Tyranny of Verity
by NuttyElla
Summary: [Take Me Away rewrite] Life is a cruel, unforgiving thing and Jude Harrison knows it only too well. One phone call, and she's suddenly alone with no family. Tommy wants to help, but she won't let him inwhy? Jommy...eventually. I promise.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** I know I said this is a rewrite, but this story will be vastly different from the original. Heck, even the title is different. I never got that far in Take Me Away, but my idea for that story is what prompted this one. If things seem confusing at the moment, I promise it will all make sense later. All you need to know is that it takes place about a week after the finale, and the only difference is that the blackmail guy doesn't exist. I just couldn't fit it in, to be honest--but don't worry, there will be plenty of drama without him. I hope you like it, and please review!

xx

**Disclaimer:** I own Tim Rozon, body and soul. Sorry ladies.

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**Prologue**

"You're back."

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am."

A pregnant silence ensued before she finally spoke again. "Is there actual a reason for you being here, Tommy? Because I'm kind of in the middle of something important."

He watched as she picked mindlessly at her salad, but refrained from comment. Important his ass--she was eating lunch alone. "I want to talk, Jude." Tommy gestured towards the empty chair situated at the other end of the table. "Mind if I sit?"

Jude shrugged apathetically. "I don't care what you do any more."

Tommy released a pent-up sigh--he knew this wasn't going to be easy, but no one could blame him for at least hoping. "Will you actually talk to me right now, Jude, or am I grasping at straws?"

She threw down her fork and met Tommy's gaze with daggers in her eyes. "You want to talk, Tommy? Fine, then we'll talk. But I'm going to go first." Her eyes seemed to contain blue flames--a mix of the fire and ice that composed her.

"Let's start with you, shall we? You're the damn eighth world wonder, Tommy, and I've never been a big fan of history. You're so...removed, unknown. Once in a while you let me get a glimpse of who's buried beneath all the layers, but not very often. I'm sick of trying to figure you out, and I'm sick of waiting around for you to completely let me in." With each word, Jude's declamation increased in volume and began to draw the stares of the other customers.

Noticing this, Tommy tried to interrupt. "Jude--"

"No! Dammit, Tommy, you're the one who started this, so let me finish!" Contrary to her words, Jude seemed to be losing steam. Her shoulders began to slump, but the venom in her eyes remained as virulent as ever. "Do you remember my birthday, Tommy? When we were locked in the Chrome Cat for the night? You begged me to believe you, to believe **in**you again--and I did. Truth be told, I had never stopped believing in you. But now...now, how can I believe in someone who breaks every single promise they make?"

At this Tommy looked away, knowing Jude was right, even if he couldn't help the things that he had done in the past.

"You said you weren't coming back, Tommy--and here you are, sitting three feet away from me. What am I supposed to think?" Jude finally finished in a normal tone, but by now it was too late. The owner of the diner was purposely striding over to the table where she was sitting, an upset look on his face.

Tommy also noticed this, and quickly threw a ten on the table to cover Jude's lunch as he grabbed her hand and pulled her up just as the owner reached them.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave my restaurant. You're disturbing the other customers and they've begun complaining." The man ordered nervously, suddenly recognizing just who he was reprimanding. But even famous didn't mean you could create a scene and people would be tolerant of it.

Without a word, Tommy dragged Jude outside and into the alley next to the building they had just vacated.

Leaning against the brick wall, Jude tried to speak again. "Why did--"

A finger pressed against her lips silenced her, and Jude watched acquiescently as Tommy shook his head.

"My turn, Jude." Removing his hand, Tommy ran his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. "I know what I did to you that night was inexcusable. I know you think I'm not even worthy to be the dirt on the bottom of your shoe right now, and I don't blame you--in fact, I'd probably even agree with that statement. How I acted that night was wrong, Jude, so_ very_ wrong, and I know this will only be the first of probably a million apologies I'm going to make to you because of what I did and said to you."

Jude glanced upward into the sky, wordlessly telling Tommy that this wasn't going to cut it for her. In fact, it wasn't even going to come close to bringing him back into her good graces.

"Look at me, Jude." After a moment, she complied, knowing his eyes would be her ultimate downfall. She'd never been able to resist them before--why should now be any different? "I'm **sorry**. I know it's just a simple word and will do nothing to help heal the hurt I caused you, but you need to know that I regret my actions that night."

"You regret leaving?" Jude shot at him, narrowing her eyes while she waited for him to respond.

"No, I don't." Tommy admitted after a few seconds. "I don't regret leaving because it was something I had to do. What I regret is _how_ I left that night--mainly, how I blew off our date and treated you like nothing. You didn't deserve that, Jude. No one does, but especially not you."

She slowly closed her eyes, trying to process the whirlwind of emotions that were assaulting her as she stood in the shadows of the alley. Keeping them closed, she put forth the one question that had haunted her every hour since his abrupt departure.

"Why did you leave, Tommy?"

"I can't tell you that, Jude. I'm sorry." He answered, knowing the answer would provoke an eruption from Jude that would rival Pompeii.

Her eyes flew open and Tommy could have sworn that they emitted sparks as she glared at him. The only sound for several seconds was Jude's sharp intake of breath after hearing his lame excuse for an answer, and Tommy used this time to prepare himself for the approaching spew of lava, rock, and ash from Jude.

"You **can't** tell me? Are you serious, Tommy? Please tell me Ashton put you up to this--_please_." She shook her head from side to side, disbelief and anger overruling every fiber of her being. If nothing else, she _deserved_ an explanation from him.

"I really do _want_ to tell you, Jude, I swear I do, more than anything else...but I _can't_. Please understand, if I could tell you where I've been for the past week, I would, but honest to God I can't tell you." Tommy pleaded as he reached for her hands, praying that Jude would believe in him at least one more time. If he ever needed Jude's support and trust in him, now would be the time.

She viciously yanked her hands from his, knowing how persuading a gentle caress from his finger could be. "Then I'm sorry that I **can't** stand to be around you anymore, Tommy. If I'm not worth a few sentences about where you've been after you ditched me, then you're not worth the air around me." Jude pushed off from the wall, forcing Tommy to step back lest they collide. "Have a nice life--just stay out of mine."

One foot in front of the other, and she began walking away from Tom Quincy forever. In a way, it felt invigorating--she was finally free of him. No longer would she have to worry about where he was, who he was dating, or what he was thinking. But she also felt a hollow sadness begin to develop deep inside of her as well. Jude was walking away from her other half, if seemed like--no one else would ever understand her like Tommy could. Plus, who else would ever drive her around in an electric blue Viper with a white stripe down the middle.

Jude took two steps away from Tommy, then stopped. "Dammit, feet--**_move_**!" She yelled as a familiar wetness began to form on her eyelashes.

Tommy moved a tentative step toward Jude but halted when she cursed. It was rare for Jude to swear, and he knew that she was waging an inner war with herself and he needed to stay out of it so she could figure it out. He waited for her to speak again, but every second that ticked by felt like an hour.

"Why can't I walk away from you?" Jude asked in a strangled voice barely above a whisper, not quite sure if she was asking Tommy or herself. Did she really even want an answer?

A split second later it didn't even matter, because Tommy gave her one anyway. "Because you know I'll always follow you." He responded in the same tone as Jude, except every one of his words exuded confidence instead of angst.

Without warning she whipped around, and Tommy remained impassive while Jude's fists beat ineffectively on his chest. It wasn't long before she collapsed against him, and his arms instinctively wrapped around her as they each soaked up the warmth in the embrace that the other offered.

"I hate you, Tommy." Jude finally said into his shirt, inhaling the familiar scent of him.

"I know."

"I missed you." She continued, wondering where she would find the will to breathe if he suddenly left again.

"I know." He stated simply as he tightened his hold on Jude.

"I'm glad you're back."

"I know." Tommy replied again, relief flood through his veins at their reconciliation.

A beat of silence passed. "Is there anything you **don't** know?"

"Yeah, there's one thing." Jude felt the vibrations as he chuckled.

She removed her head from its position against his shirt and looked up into his twinkling eyes as she teased, "And what would that be, Little Tommy Q?"

Tommy's eyes darkened for the briefest moment before he answered her. "Where I'm going to bury your body if you ever call me that again." He threatened with a devilish smile before slinging Jude over his shoulder and walking to the parking lot.

Her laughter echoed off the walls of the deserted alley.

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_**11 months later...**_

Mitch Thorton quietly slipped the key into his pent-house apartment and pushed the door open. It was after midnight, and he was home early from a long business trip. Taking care to make as little noise as possible so as not to awaken his fiancé, Carrie Marrows, Mitch made his way towards their bedroom, depositing his keys on the table in the entryway.

He purposely didn't turn on any lights, not wanting to disturb his beloved's slumber. If Mitch had turned on the lights, however, they would have revealed the discarded clothes of two people that made a path to the same room he was heading for.

His bedroom door was barely cracked open as he reached it, and Mitch gently pushed it open. Seeing the silhouette of a figure against the window, Mitch had no qualms anymore turning on a light. A flick of a switch displayed Carrie--naked--underneath an equally naked man. A painfully familiar man.

The disbelief and rage on Mitch's face was quickly replaced by a cold, indifferent expression. Taking the few steps to reach the side of the bed--_his_ bed--Mitch grabbed Carrie's hand.

"I don't think you'll need this any more." Mitch stated in a monotone as he twisted the engagement ring from Carrie's finger. It came off quickly and smoothly because of the slight sheen of sweat coating her from her current...exertions.

Focusing his attention on the man in bed with his fiancé, Mitch allowed his previously impassive face to harden slightly. "I don't even know you, Dan."

Without another glance at his ex-fiancé or ex-best friend, Mitch strolled out of the apartment like he was simply making a quick run to the grocery store.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I can't believe all the reviews I've gotten for this already! I heart you guys, seriously. So, if anyone remembers the old story, this chapter will seem familiar. And for the record--editing is overrated. Keep the reviews coming, guys!

xx**

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**Chapter 1**

"Jude." Tommy nudged her inanimate form next to him with his elbow. "Juuuuuuuuuuude. Come on, princess; beam yourself back down to earth where the rest of us are waiting for you." Still failing to garner a response from Jude, he positions his mouth so that it's mere centimeters from her left ear.

"HARRISON!"

Jude jumped and proceeded to shoot Tommy a nasty look. "What?"

His eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead--sure, Jude was a natural blonde, but she didn't show her true colors very often. At least, until now. "You. Won." Tommy answered--slowly--while disbelief began to spread through his system. Did Jude truly just miss what had to be one of the biggest moments of her career?

She just looked at him, confusion clearly etched across her features. Tommy figured that his earlier question would be answered with a confirmative. Shaking his head, Tommy continued talking. "Let me replay what happened thirty seconds ago." After clearing his throat, he spoke in an unusual voice, most likely meant to resemble the person's on stage. "And the Grammy for Album of the Year goes to...Jude Harrison with Learning Curve! Cue applause, screams, whistles, cheers, etc., etc."

Jude's eyes proceeded to become large blue saucers as reality finally clicked in her brain. She, Jude Harrison, had just won a Grammy. A _Grammy_, the ultimate goal of any musician. And she was only eighteen years old! Considering that three years ago she was just a nobody at a Carson Hills High School, Jude thought she'd done pretty well for herself.

"Tommy." Jude turned to look at the man that had made this moment possible. "I--we won! We _actually_ won a Grammy!" She jumped up and embraced Tommy, glad to have someone to share her elation with.

He began shaking his head. "No, Jude, **you** won, not me. This was all you, girl. I just brought you coffee occasionally."

Jude started to laugh, but quickly halted when she realized that her breathing was starting to become more labored and her vision was blurry. "Shit." She muttered, just loud enough for Tommy to hear.

Noticing the tears, Tommy pulled Jude even tighter to him. "Hey, don't cry--Portia will skin you alive if you ruin your make-up."

The poor excuse for a joke did its job, and Jude's tears rapidly dried up as a smile reappeared on her face. "She'd do worse than that--Portia'd probably make me get a Brazilian bikini wax." Tommy laughed, but Jude noted a slight flush creep up his neck. Inwardly she smiled wickedly, knowing just where Tommy's thoughts were at the moment--and they weren't on the Grammy she'd just won, that's for sure. "It's just...I never thought I'd cry over something like this; I thought it was something only girly-girls would do. Why am I suddenly reminded of Sandra Bullock in _Miss Congeniality_?" Jude asked.

Before Tommy could reply, the all too familiar voice of Jude's ex-boyfriend boomed through the microphone on stage. "What's going on, Shorty? You get lost or something?" Yep, that's right--Shay was presenting the award for Best Album of the Year tonight. Jude couldn't help but smile at the irony. The good news was, she and the big S to H to A to Y had finally mended fences and were relatively good friends, although not very close ones. Still, it was nice for Jude to have one less person on her black list.

Tommy and Jude separated and she began making her way to the stage. However, she paused and turned to face Tommy one last time. "Hey, you haven't seen my dad and sister yet, have you?"

He began shaking his head. "Sorry Jude, can't say that I have. I'm sure they'll be waiting to come congratulate you after you accept your award, though. Now go! I think ShayShay's getting ready to send out a search party for you." Tommy ordered, still using his nickname for Darius' nephew.

A quick flash of a smile and Jude was gone, trying to gracefully power walk to the stage where Shay was waiting. Reaching the steps, she mentally cursed and slowed her pace to accommodate her footwear. _Stupid heels_...Jude thought as the memory of an awards ceremony last year resurfaced in her mind. Let's just say, the photos in the tabloids the next day weren't of her accepting an award--although if she had gotten one, it would have been for the complexion most resembling a cherry after she tripped and fell flat on her face.

Jude hastily shoved the not-so-fond memory back to the deep recesses of her mind as she reached Shay, who gave her a congratulatory hug. Of course, being Shay, he decided to go over the top by picking Jude up and swinging her around, producing a laugh from her while she prayed that her dress didn't flare up _too_ much. Apparently some things never change, Jude observed with a rueful smile--leave it to Shay to make a production of giving her a _hug_, of all things.

"Congrats, Shorty--you earned it." Shay commented as he set Jude down, continuing to hold her arms until she regained her balance on the four-inch heels she was coerced into wearing. The slight quirk of his lips revealed to Jude that she wasn't the only one to remember the fiasco last year involving her in heels.

He gave Jude a quick, friendly kiss on the cheek before exiting the stage, leaving Jude alone with the trophy, the microphone, the crowd, and...herself. Lord help her!

Taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves, Jude traversed the few feet until she was standing directly in front of the microphone. This should be easy; she performed in front of thousands of people on stage all the time. Why was getting stage fright **now **of all times?

Jude could feel her palms began to sweat--the silence in the room was deafening. What was she supposed to say again? Her eyes scanned the room, miraculously settling on a pair of warm blue eyes. And just like that, all of her worries were gone. With a newfound confidence, Jude reached for the microphone and the rest was history as her naturally charismatic nature took over.

x.xxx.x

Somewhat in a daze, Jude returned to her table with the award proudly clenched in her hand. She received several hugs from people before being able to resume her seat next to Tommy, whose smile impossibly seemed to be than Jude's own.

"You did great, girl, you really did." He said, capturing her sparkling eyes with his own.

"Thanks." Jude replied simply, multiple words escaping her once she finished her speech.

Tommy sensed that Jude needed a couple of minutes to herself, just to let it all soak in, and that's exactly what she did. Her gaze traveled around the room, absorbing the details of everything she was seeing, feeling, and hearing. Jude knew that later she'd want to come back to this moment, probably in the future when things were tough, and she wanted to be able to imagine this moment like it was yesterday.

Eventually she sighed and turned her head towards Tommy, giving him a lazy, content smile. He returned one of his own until suddenly remembering something. "Hey, um, while you were up there accepting your award and giving a **great** speech, your purse vibrated, so I'm assuming you missed a call on your cell. I didn't know how you'd feel if I dug through your bag to answer it, since I know how touchy you girls are about that kind of stuff."

Jude laughed, realizing that even the illustrious womanizer known as Little Tommy Q still hadn't fully figured women out. "You know I'm not like most girls, Tommy, so I really wouldn't have minded if you went through my purse to get my phone. But I think _you_ were just scared about what you might have found in there." Jude winked playfully at her producer. "But thanks for respecting my stuff, anyway."

She grabbed the purse matching her dress and located her phone inside of it. Flipping it open and seeing a missed call alert, Jude frowned with she didn't recognize the number. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach, and she uncertainly hit a button to return the call and waited for someone to answer.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Alright, I despise the last chapter--it was flat, boring, and just ick. I'm actually surprised at how many responses it garnered. Thanks for all the reviews, guys, even though it was crap. Anyway, this chapter is in Jude's first person POV instead of third. I like it waaaaay better than the second chapter, but I'd appreciate it if you guys could tell me which style you prefer. Thanks for reading and just enjoying my story! Andjust incase anyone was wondering, the last chapter took place on the samenight as that "eleven months later" with the random characters you guys don't know yet.Also, Jude **_is _**eighteen, single, and still recording at G Major. Without further adieu, I present everyone with Chapter 2.

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**Chapter 2**

I stared at my phone, the total length of the just finished call flashing angrily back at me. It only took two minutes and thirty-eight seconds, but I swear time had stopped while Officer Steele was talking to me. Key words floated around my mind as I tried to process the information I had just received.

_Accident...Sadie...Stuart...Grace Memorial Hospital...Hurry._

The screen on my cell phone had returned to its regular background by now, and I wondered for a moment if it was all just a dream. Did I really just learn that my father and sister were in a car accident and they were currently at the hospital? That alone had my heart racing from fear, but then the officer just had to tack on that one word--**hurry**.

He'd only tell me that for one reason and one reason only: Sadie and my dad probably weren't going to make it.

The applause from the most recent award given brought my attention back to what I was really about to face. Looking up, I noticed Tommy staring at me questioningly, and my head began to shift back and forth as I stood up.

"I-I, um, I...I need to go." I stammered, grabbing my clutch purse and clumsily backing away from the table.

"Jude?" I barely heard Tommy ask--I was already gone, moving as fast as my footwear would allow me. My heels were a poor choice for the task of running, but they sure as hell looked great with my dress. Too bad I couldn't care less how I looked at the moment.

Another familiar voice shouted from our table--Kwest--and I barely spared half a second to look back and see what he wanted. His hand was gesturing towards something on the table, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. A glint of light reflecting from the object revealed its identity as my trophy. Kwest was obviously confused as to why I suddenly ran off without it, but I just waved my hand dismissively at it. He could do what he wanted with it--I really didn't care about the hunk of metal and plastic or whatever the heck it was made out of.

If someone had told me that I had left my Grammy to fend for itself, I would have laughed in their face. Who in their right mind would ever ditch a Grammy award? Surely not me. But these weren't normal circumstances, and any ability I had to think rationally had gone out the window when my conversation with Officer Steele had ended. I'd never really realized how someone could be so focused on one thing that they completely forget about everything else--until now. My mind was centered on one thing, and that was getting to Grace Memorial Hospital.

Shoving in the bar to open the heavy door, I stormed into the lobby like someone had a lit a fire under my ass, although it felt more like someone had driven a stake through my heart. However, I didn't hear the familiar click of the door closing behind me, and I twisted my head to see what had prevented it.

"Jude!" Tommy yelled as he rushed forward, hoping to catch me before I crashed into the floor. But he was too late. My body twisted at an awkward angle as the stiletto heel on one of my shoes caught on a step and threw me off balance, causing me to fall to the floor with a very ungraceful--and very painful--thud. I could've sworn it all happened in slow motion, and again I vaguely realized that I probably would've laughed in the situation hadn't been so dire.

By the time Tommy reached me, I had already removed the vile objects from my feet and tossed them away in disgust. Sure, they cost six hundred dollars, but that didn't mean they didn't deserve to be tossed off a cliff into a raging river. The water would definitely ruin them, not to mention all the rocky rapids. Good.

"Holy crap, Jude, are you okay?" Tommy asked anxiously as he reached down to help me up. Honest answer? Hell no, I wasn't okay! But I didn't bother telling him that. I was wasting precious time--time that just might be my last with my father and sister.

"I'm fine." I replied as I stood back up, then crumpled again as a sharp pain shot through my ankle. Thankfully, though, Tommy was still holding my arms and managed to keep me from falling again. I think one giant bruise on my ass was enough for the night, no need to add another.

"Sure you are." Tommy commented sarcastically, doubt clearly evident in every word. His grip remained strong on me, and I was thankful for the outside support since my ankle obviously decided to be a traitor. Of all the times to get a sprained ankle, why did it have to be now?

"I really need to go, Tommy." I pleaded, although neither of us moved. His gaze was piercing into my eyes, and the intensity of it should have unnerved me but I was too numb to notice anything outside of my own little bubble of worry and fear.

"Where, Jude? Where do you need to go so suddenly?" Tommy asked gently with an underlying note of persistence. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone until I gave him a plausible answer. If I'd learned nothing else in the three years I'd known Tom Quincy, it was that he was one damned determined bull dog--once he got his teeth into something, he wouldn't let go until he go what he wanted. And right now, I could tell he wanted answers. I didn't blame him, though--I had just won and a Grammy, and suddenly I'm running out the door without even taking it with me?

"The hospital." I replied weakly, praying he wouldn't ask me to elaborate on my simple but loaded answer. I knew the reality, but it was too soon for me to be able to admit it out loud to someone else.

Concern and worry filled his eyes, and I instantly knew that Tommy would wholehearted offer his shoulder for support should I need it. Since his abrupt departure eleven months ago, he had worked diligently to gain my full trust back. Obviously, Tommy had succeeded in his venture, but he hadn't needed to work very hard for it. Still, it was encouraging to know that he was **willing** to work to get my trust back.

I swear I could hear a ticking sound in the back of my head.

_**Tick. Tick. Tick.**_

Time was not on my side. Was it ever, though?

Tommy started to speak again, undoubtedly to ask another question, but I abruptly cut him off. "Look, I **_have to go_**; I don't have time for this. I'll explain later, just let me go, **_please_**, Tommy." Without waiting for consent, I pried his hands from my arms and turned to walk outside.

Of course, my ankle betrayed me again and gravity was suddenly my worst enemy--besides time, that is.

Tommy's arms were my savior once again, and this time I found myself swooped into them, bridal style. Or baby style, depending on which way you look at it, because I was completely helpless at this point.

He shook his head as he made his way towards the door. "You can't even walk, Jude. Let me drive you, ok?"

I nodded mutely, relieved to not be facing my burden alone. True, Tommy didn't even know why we were going to the hospital yet, but I knew he'd understand completely as soon as I told him.

Much to the amusement and confusion of the ushers and security guards, Tommy carried me from the building into the parking lot, careful not to bump my head on the door frame on the way out.

Several seconds later I found myself being placed into the familiar passenger seat of the Viper, and automatically I reached over my right shoulder to buckle my seat belt. As Tommy slid behind the wheel and secured his own seat belt, he quietly asked, "Which hospital?"

For a minute I stared blankly at him, not comprehending his words. Hospital? What hospital?

Then it all came flooding back, and after reviewing my earlier conversation with the police officer, I barely managed to croak out an answer. "Memorial Grace."

Without another word, Tommy turned the key and the engine of the electric blue car purred to life, and we were off. Answers about the rest of my life awaited me at our destination, and for once, I was afraid to even ask the questions.

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**_Press the pretty purple button. You know you want to._**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Forgot to mention--the Grammies are being held in L.A., so that's where the story is currently taking place. Sorry for the wait, buuuuut I'll update again later today. Thanks for all the reviews, you guys rock! Keep 'em coming!

xx

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**Chapter 3**

I looked to the left, then the right, and I saw the same thing on both sides: trees. There were no cars in front of or behind us--we were alone on the road. As we were leaving the awards, Tommy had switched on the radio to check the traffic report. A man had reported an accident at one of the major intersections of the city and traffic was backed up for several blocks, not moving. I began to shake uncontrollably as it dawned on me that that accident was probably the one Sadie and my dad were in. Noticing my trembling, Tommy quickly switched off the radio and maneuvered us onto some of L.A.'s back roads to avoid the backup.

We kept driving and the road remained eerily empty, and I couldn't decide if I preferred it this way or not. For one thing, I had never felt so completely and utterly alone, despite the fact that Tommy was sitting right next to me. The only sound in the cool night air came from the Viper--it felt like I was in a vacuum with all the life sucked out of it except for myself. I was finally recognizing the difference between feeling _lonely_ and actually being _alone_.

If there had been a lot of traffic, though, I probably would've felt like an ant--just one of a billion. I wouldn't be different from anyone else sitting in their car, even though I felt totally different. None of the other drivers were on the way to the hospital to see their family die, now were they? If we weren't the only car on the road, I know I'd feel small and insignificant, like my problems were worthless and didn't matter. And to everyone but me, that's exactly what they were.

Something warm and strong grasped my hand, and I nearly shrieked at the contact as I jumped in my seat. Glancing down, I realized that Tommy's hand had enclosed my own and was giving me a reassuring squeeze. The heat from his skin shocked me back into reality--I wasn't alone.

"You okay?" He asked quietly--tentatively--as though afraid that I would suddenly crumble to pieces in front of him if he spoke in a louder voice.

"Never better." I replied, only slightly regretful for my biting tone. His hand still on mine, Tommy took his eyes away from the road to look at me, to observe me, to read me. As our gazes locked, he silently conveyed that he understood what my sarcasm was trying to hide--fear. Pure, unadulterated, gut-wrenching fear.

Eventually his focus returned to the road, but his hand remained intertwined with mine, and I was suddenly very grateful for the human contact. My hold tightened to the point of where it had to be painful for him. Still, I couldn't loosen my grip--his hand was my last lifeline, and I knew if I let go I could be lost forever.

"Tommy..." I whispered shakily, feeling my voice already beginning to crack.

Instantly he turned to face me, prepared to help in any possible way he could. I never got to finish my thought, though, because while Tommy's attention had been on me, he had accidentally missed a stop sign at a four-way intersection. I found myself illuminated in light, and whipping my head around I stared straight into the unfaltering glare of a pair of oncoming headlights.

I vaguely remember Tommy cursing while he slammed on the brakes and yanked on the wheel, and I think I might have screamed, I don't really know. All I can really recall is that several seconds later the sound of crunching metal and shattering glass snapped me out of my shock.

Looking around, I noticed that the Viper was sitting crookedly smack dab in the center of the intersection, not a scratch on it. I could hear Tommy breathing heavily, and I was almost positive my intakes of breath sounded the same. My heart threatened to pop right out of my chest from the pressure of it beating so rapidly. We both continued to just sit there, cognizant that we were alive and hadn't been hit, that this wasn't a dream.

I realized that for a brief second, I had actually _**wanted** _the other car to hit us. Maybe then I'd be knocked unconscious and I wouldn't have to worry about what was awaiting me at the hospital. Maybe then I could just escape from the facts, and reside blissfully in a world that consisted entirely of nothing--except possibly for some pain killers. However, I quickly dismissed that idea because it seemed kind of, oh, I don't know--suicidal, maybe?

I vaguely began to realize that Tommy had spoken to me when a car door slammed, and I suddenly noticed that I was now alone in the car. What the hell?

Seeing Tommy's outline darting across the road, I quickly released my seat belt and followed him. He seriously didn't expect me to just wait in the car, did he? Stepping onto the asphalt, I detected for the first time that I wasn't wearing any shoes. Of course--the ghastly things were back at the awards ceremony, sitting on the floor of the lobby unless somebody disturbed them. With my luck, though, they'd probably be for sale on eBay! tomorrow by one of the security guards or something. Good riddance.

As I hobbled across the rough surface of the road, I could see Tommy helping a man out of the driver's seat of the car. The only light was provided by the headlights on the cars--the Viper and the other guy's, whose right side was currently smushed against a tree.

A glare was in my eyes from the headlights--which were the brights--and I couldn't see the face of the driver of the other car yet. His dark outline showed that he was big but not huge, probably right around six feet tall if I had to guess. Drawing near enough to make out features, I surreptitiously observed the man. Wavy, sand-colored hair that was long enough to be stylish, but not long enough to be inconvenient. No gel.

Mentally I raised my eyebrows at myself for noticing the absence of gel. It wasn't like I was comparing this guy to Tommy, although it would have been quite easy to do since they were standing right next to each other.

Continuing my scan of the guy, I noted he had broad shoulders and lean hips--just like Linda Howard described the ideal male specimens in her books. I figured he was in his early twenties, maybe a couple of years younger than Tommy. He had nice features, although nothing that would make him CG's eye candy of the year. There wasn't enough light to see what color his eyes were, but all in all, the guy was nice to look at. Considering that we were in California, I had no doubt that this guy surfed on a regular basis, if his golden tan hadn't been a dead giveaway.

"Tommy?" I questioned as I walked forward into the grass, not realizing there was a slight drop in elevation because of a ditch. I stumbled forward, my weakened ankle most certainly not helping my balance and coordination.

Two pairs of hands reached forward and each caught an arm before I did a face plant, and I couldn't help but wish they would just lift me up onto their shoulders and carry me around like a queen, sort of like in Cameron Diaz's character's dancing dream in the first Charlie's Angels. I'm sure there are better examples of what I was thinking, but that was the first one to come to mind.

"I'm fine." I said before they could ask, and I instinctively knew that they both would. Finally steady on my own two feet, I turned to the mystery guy. "Are _you_ okay, though, since, you know, you kind of just hit a tree?"

I took a small step back to survey the man, trying to spot any blood or bones sticking out. As my gaze reached his face, I noticed a stream of blood going down his face from a cut near his left temple.

"I'm okay, except for a couple of bruises." He answered, a slight smile on his face at the phrasing of my question. I couldn't help but notice that he had nice, white, straight teeth. Somebody must've paid the dentist a nice chunk of change, but from what I could see, it was absolutely worth every cent. That smile would make up for anything this guy might lack.

I shook my head, denying his answer. "You have a cut on your forehead; it looks deep."

The guy raised a hand to his head, interrupting the smooth trail of the blood. Bringing his hand back down, he looked at the dark red stain and frowned. "I guess I do."

Glancing around, I tried to find something I could give to the guy to put against the cut to temporarily stop the bleeding. Leaves, bark, grass, dirt...who was I kidding? We were in the middle of nowhere. I wasn't going to randomly find a sealed bag of gauze lying around on the ground anywhere, let alone some antiseptic ointment.

Struck with an idea--which could be considered a rare occurence by some--I deftly untied the silk scarf around my neck and folded it into the shape of a square. Bracing myself on my tip toes, I gently placed the cloth against the guy's wound then applied slight pressure. If it hurt, the guy didn't flinch. At least he wasn't a whiny wimp. Ha--whiny wimp. What's that called again? An alliteration? Yeah, I think that's it. Ha, Mrs. Thomas! I _did_ learn something in English class.

Banishing my pointless thoughts, I suddenly found myself gazing into the eyes of this stranger--they looked like two sparkling jewels, two green sparkling jewels--emeralds. His eyes were beautiful, and as cliche as it sounds, I found myself mesmerized by them. They were a nice change from the usual blue I saw in the mirror every morning and when I looked at Tommy. Wait, I wasn't comparing the mystery guy and Tommy again, was I?

Speaking of whom, Tommy casually--or maybe in jealously?--cleared his throat and the "moment" between the stranger and me was lost. He placed his own hand against the silk cloth to hold it in place, and mine dropped back to my side.

"I hope your car wasn't expensive." Tommy commented as he took in the crumpled mess of what was supposed to be a vehicle.

_Now_ the guy winced. "It was." He answered, his own face grim as he observed what was left of his car as well. Great, another car fanatic--why were hunks of metal and grease so fascinating to guys, anyway?

After a moment of silence--in respect of the car, no doubt--Tommy stuck out his hand. "Tom Quincy."

"Mitch Thorton." The guy--Mitch, apparently--replied with a nod as he shook Tommy's outstretched hand. He then turned and looked at me with an expectant look, and I belatedly realized that it was _my_ turn to introduce myself.

"Jude Harrison." I supplied as his free hand enclosed my own in a warm, firm grip. They always say you can tell a lot about a person by how they greet you or, more specifically, by their handshake. All I knew was that Mitch's hand holding mine felt nice.

If Mitch recognized mine or Tommy's names, he didn't show it, which I was thankful for. Maybe this guy had class, too. I glanced back at his face and noticed that the blood from his cut had already seeped through the makeshift compress.

"I think you're going to need stitches." I advised as I gestured towards Mitch's head. "We're on our way to the hospital if you want a ride."

Before he could reply, Tommy interrupted with a bit of common sense. "Um, Jude, in case you forgot, my car only seats two." He proceeded to point at each of us as he counted of. "One, two, three. Three is greater than two. We can't fit."

I shrugged, not bothered by Tommy's reasoning because I was armed with my own. "I can just sit in the middle on the counsel. Problem solved."

Holding up a finger to Mitch to tell him we'd be right back, Tommy grabbed my wrist and dragged me several feet away from the wreckage of the car and Mitch's ears. Oh boy, this was going to be fun. Under other cirumstances, I might acutally enjoy being dragged into the dark woods with Tommy, all alone. But I had a feeling my expectations of a tryst in the forest were about to be let down. Oh well.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: **As promised, here's the next one...

xx**

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**

**Chapter 4**

"Are you serious, Jude?" Tommy asked incredulously, apparently thinking I had a severe lack of judgment. "We just met this guy, we don't know anything about him. He could be a rapist or a murderer for all we know."

I glanced back at where we left Mitch standing to see him leaning through the open window of his car, most likely checking out the damage to the interior. As he removed his upper body, Mitch banged his head on the edge of the window and cursed loudly while he rubbed his hand over the newly injured part of his head.

Looking back at Tommy, I answered sarcastically. "Yeah, Tommy, we've got a real ax-murdered right there, complete with a full-feature comedy act." I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, though, if he was going to kill us I think he would've done it by now, or at least pulled a knife or a gun or something."

"Fine." Tommy responded, somewhat appeased by my answer still not looking happy. Could be because he realized how crazy he sounded with his rapist/murderer theory. Plus, I didn't think Mitch was gay, so Tommy didn't have to worry about the first part. "Fine, he's not going to kill us. But I'm not going to let you ride on the counsel--you won't be wearing a seat belt. And in case you forgot, we almost collided with that guy a few minutes ago, not to mention that your father and sister are in the hospital as we speak because of a car accident."

There was a pause as Tommy suddenly realized what he had just said, followed by a curse under his breath. "_Shit_." Tommy grabbed my hands as he tried to catch my eye. "Jude, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that and upset you--"

"I'm fine." I cut him off, although the waver in my voice told otherwise. "Really, I'm okay. I just...forgot about that for a little while."

Despite my protests of being alright, Tommy still looked like he wanted to shoot himself right then and there. For some reason, this made me a little angry--I had more steel in my backbone than he thought. A few ill-spoken words weren't enough to shake me, no matter how true they were. Since when was I made of china, anyway?

Taking a deep breath, I got back to the matter at hand. "Look, Tommy, Mitch needs to see a doctor. Besides needing stitches, he might have a concussion or something. Take a look around--we're in the middle of nowhere." Okay, so that was a lie, since we were right outside of L.A. Oh well. "It'll be forever before somebody can get out to him, and we're going there anyway. Hell, what are the chances of this happening again in the next ten miles?"

Tommy released a sigh, and I knew I had him. Mitch was hurt and needed to go to the hospital. We were already going to the hospital. The lack of one seat should not be cause for Tommy to leave a guy stranded out here, and he knew it. Plus, it was illegal to leave the scene of an accident, and we were technically part of this one even though the Viper was unscathed.

My producer sent me a pointed look, and I knew I had his consent--however reluctant--about taking Mitch to the hospital with us.

We walked back over to Mitch and he gladly accepted the offer of a ride to the hospital, although he too was unsure about the seating arrangement. At first he refused to go, then said he'd sit on the counsel instead of me. I quickly put that idea to rest with the argument that he couldn't fit on it--but I could. Just as we were about to walk back to the Viper--which was still sitting in the middle of the intersection, definitely not a good thing--Tommy stopped.

"What about your car? We can't just leave it here, can we?" Tommy reasoned, looking back at the pathetic excuse for a car. Well, it was still a hunk of metal on four wheels, so I guess it counted, even if the metal was a bit...crunched.

"I called a guy I know to come take care of it while you guys were, um, talking." Mitch stated. Hmm, a guy he knows? Now how many people can just call up a guy they know at one in the morning to come take care of a car they crashed? I took a closer look at the car. BMW. Ah, that'd explain it. Mitch must have money, and _lots_ of it if he could afford a car like that and not be worried about leaving it for someone else to clean up.

"And I know you're not supposed to leave the scene of a crime, or accident, whatever, but I don't feel that this needs to be, uh...reported." He continued, causing Tommy to raise his eyebrows. Catching the gesture, Mitch hastily continued. "I'm not some sleaze who's just trying to get out of anything, and cost isn't really a problem for me." Ah, my suspicions were confirmed--the guy was loaded. "But if you look at this logically, we both ran the stop sign. Our insurance rates are going to skyrocket, and they're already insane to begin with. Plus, an incident like this will look really bad on record. I just don't see the point in making this more complicated than it already is."

The man had a point, and Tommy seemed to agree. He thought about it for a moment, looked at me, and said "Sure" before continuing back to the Viper.

I looked at Mitch, shrugged, and followed Tommy, hearing Mitch's footsteps not far behind alerting me that he was doing the same.

Reaching the Viper, I found Tommy already seated behind the wheel, waiting somewhat impatiently for us to get in. I opened the passenger door, and like a gentleman, Mitch handed me in. I guess money equals manners...sometimes. But this was good--every girl likes manners, right? I know I did, so Mitch earned another point in my book. It was rare in the past for Tommy to open the door for me when he gave me a ride to the studio, let alone _hand_ me in, kind of like they used to for carriages way back when.

While I was arguing the merits of Tommy and Mitch, I tried to maneuver myself--rather ungracefully, I might add--onto the black counsel, which was suddenly much smaller than I remembered. Thank God the top was already down--there was no way we could pull this off with the top up. My head would make a large bump in the black cloth, and I wasn't even going to wonder about the odd looks we'd receive from people. Once I'd adjusted and stopped moving, Mitch slid into the passenger seat and closed the door.

Okay, this was so not going to work. Not that I was going to admit that right away to Tommy, although I'm sure he noticed the flaws in the plan right away just like I did. Seeing how I was still wearing my floor-length dress from the awards, my leg movement was limited. The current position I was in basically had my dress covering the gear shift, which was something Tommy _just_ might need to drive. No matter how I moved, I was still in the way and Tommy wouldn't be able to shift.

Crap.

Pulling my dress up to my thighs was out for two main reasons. First, I wasn't sure if it would go that high and secondly, I was sitting between two testosterone oozing males. I knew for a fact that Tommy wouldn't be able to drive even if he could use the stick because of how much skin I would be showing.

I also realized that even if I was wearing jeans, this still wouldn't work because Tommy's hand would be between my legs. Okay, mind get out of gutter _right now_. Anyway, Tommy's arm would have to rest on the inside of my thighs, and if he shifted into second...or fourth...

Oh God. I shivered. I've established that this **brilliant** idea of mine was so _not going to work_, so I had to come up with something else, like, now.

There weren't a lot of options, anyway, so I decided on the best one--in my opinion, anyway--before I chickened out.

"This won't work." I said to Tommy, and if he smirked I knew without a doubt that I'd slug him. He had no right to talk--at least **_I_ **graduated from high school. Okay, low blow, Jude, but he'll never know about it since I said it all _in my head_. Ha.

Unless, of course, Tommy can read minds and never bothered to tell me.

But I don't think so.

With what I hoped was an apologetic look, I slid off the counsel into Mitch's lap. He looked surprised, to say the least, but did nothing to move me. This was good. I think.

I chanced a glimpse over at Tommy. Any faint traces of a smirk from a few seconds ago were long gone, replaced with a hardened jawline and a steely, unreadable gaze. Uh-oh, did I do something wrong?

Dumb question: obviously, the answer was **yes**. But there was nothing I could do now, and there was nothing Tommy could say, either. And apparently he knew it, too, because not a word came out of his mouth.

Instead, Tommy revved the engine to life and accelerated, probably harder than he needed to, because I was jolted backward into Mitch's chest. Mitch's nice, solid, strong chest...

We reached another stop sign, and now I was thrown forward, my face heading straight for the windshield. I guess I'd never realized how handy seatbelts really were. Before my face collided with the dashboard or the windshield, though, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist, anchoring me to a body. Mitch's body.

And I wasn't complaining.

Tommy looked over at us, noticing Mitch's arms wrapped around me. I knew he realized his mistake, because he took more care to accelerate and brake gently since I was riding sans seatbelt. But the damage had been done, and Mitch didn't release his hold on me.

This was going to be a long drive.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: **I promise this will be an eventual Jommy...Mitch will merely serve to be a, um, BIG distraction. Take that as you will, I guess. Please don't hate me at the end of this chapter--you never know what I might do next. Thank you all soooooooo much for the reviews; I love them and they keep this story going. You're all amazin!

xx

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**Chapter 5**

The multi-storied building loomed in front of me, surprisingly intimidating in the early hours of the morning, or the late hour of the night, depending on which way you looked at it. The ride had been blissfully uneventful, although I know Tommy wanted to drag me off of Mitch's lap--probably into his own, I was betting from the glares he occasionally shot our way.

As we drove, I quietly conversed with Mitch and learned the generic basics of who he was. He was 22 years old and had three younger sisters--Kate (20), Dana (18), and Rachel (17). My earlier assumption was correct--Mitch did indeed surf, although purely as a hobby and only on weekends or vacations. He lived on the top floor of what I assumed was a very nice apartment complex and worked for his father's business, and with three sisters, it was given that he would follow in his dad's footsteps and take over the family business.

As I began to steer into his personal life, Mitch diverted the subject by asking about me and I found myself openly telling himself about the past few years of my life, including Instant Star. He said he thought he recognized my name because all three of his sisters enjoyed my music--which did great things for my ego--but didn't know for sure and he didn't want to make an ass of himself. I didn't mention my family, and thankfully Mitch didn't ask. Tommy didn't interject anything the entire way to the hospital, and I decided that was because he was devoting his full concentration to driving. Hey, even at one or two in the morning, traffic in L.A. was monstrous. A couple of minutes later I saw a sign that read "MEMORIAL GRACE HOSPITAL," and my gut clenched painfully.

Tommy killed the engine, but I was frozen, my body rigid as I stared at the entrance. Dread couldn't even begin to describe what I was feeling at the moment. How could I walk into this building, knowing that my father and sister were somewhere inside those walls, possibly dying, or maybe already...

Mitch must have felt how stiff my body was, because the pressure of his arms increased slightly, and it felt strangely reassuring, even though I'd known him for less than an hour. I guess riding in someone's lap overrules any possible awkwardness there might be otherwise.

"Jude, you ready?" Tommy gently asked, and I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Mentally steeling myself for whatever awaited me inside the hospital, I opened the door to the Viper and moved to get out. Mitch released his arms that were encircling me, and the sudden loss of warmth and security only emphasized the magnitude of how alone I felt at the moment.

I didn't wait for Tommy or Mitch. I could've sworn I existed somewhere else and was watching my body march towards the door, ready to accept whatever fate decided to deal me and my family. In a way, it felt like I was walking the plank--but neither Jack Sparrow nor Will Turner were near enough to save me, and I could already envision the water swirling over my head as my body was dragged down by the weight of my clothes and my inability to swim because of the rope binding my wrists. I wondered, though, who was Jack and who was Will? Glancing up, I looked straight into the glare of a lightpole in the parking lot and imagined it as my last glimpse of the sun beneath the water as darkness engulfed me.

Um, can anybody say morbid much?

Why was I doing this to myself? I didn't even know anything yet, so there was no need to worry this much...right?

_Hurry_.

Damn that word.

Damn Officer Steele for saying it.

Damn the world for putting me through this.

Just _damn._

Because that's what I felt like--**damned**

I found myself standing in front of the entrance to the hospital, unable to open the door. No matter how hard I tried, I could not will myself to reach out and grab the handle, allowing me to enter and find out the truth about Sadie and Stuart. Because I'll admit it-_-_I really didn't want to know.

Fate had other plans, though, because suddenly Mitch opened the door for me, and my feet finally moved forward, each step sounding like it echoed off the walls of the night sky and disappeared among the stars.

"Jude?" Tommy had come up behind me and placed a hand on my back, propelling me even further into the building. I heard the door close as Mitch followed us in.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Looking around the lobby, I was appalled. It was all so...peaceful. Sure, there were people sitting anxiously in the chairs, nurses working behind the desk, and interns walking down the halls appearing preoccupied. But there was no gurney with a bleeding body on it, no EMT shouting the vitals of someone, no one rushing around acting like the end of the world.

Which it was.

Mitch and Tommy went up to the nurses' desk, spoke a few words to an elderly woman and each other, then went their separate ways. Tommy returned to where my feet were still planted as Mitch disappeared around a corner, casting one last unreadable look back at me.

"The nurse said that Sadie and Stuart are still in surgery. They don't know anything yet, so all we can do is wait. Mitch just went to get checked out." Tommy reported as he drew nearer. "She said we can have a private waiting room, if you want to go sit down. We'll talk to Officer Steele later; he's busy for the next few hours."

_Surgery_. I nodded absently, not really caring what we did. All I cared about was my father and sister, and whether or not they would live to see another day. I let Tommy lead me into a strange, barren room, dimly lit by two old lamps. He took a seat in a padded chair, while I limply leaned against a wall before sliding to the ground, my knees pressed against my chest. Tommy watched me, but didn't make a move to join me.

For once, this was something Tommy wouldn't be able to help me with. This wasn't a problem with the lyrics, or the notes, or the guitar solo, or the hook. Perfectionism was no use against this terror. This problem was bigger than both of us. This problem was life and death. And all either of us could do was pray.

And I did. Feverishly.

x.xxx.x

After about two hours, Tommy began pacing the small length of the room. I was ready to shoot him. He was not helping, here--in fact, he was probable making it worse. Of course, he didn't notice the sour look on my face or the occasional glare I sent his way; everything was always about Tommy.

"I'm going to go get some coffee. You want any?" I offered and I rose from my crouched position on the floor. He nodded, not saying how he took his coffee because I already knew and telling me would be redundant.

One black, one with cream and sugar. Just as I was about to return to the waiting room, someone tapped me on my shoulder and I jumped, spilling the scalding hot coffee on one my arms. I yelped in pain, almost dropping the cups but somehow managing to hold onto them despite the pain searing across my skin.

"Christ, Jude, I'm so sorry!" Mitch apologized as he grabbed some napkins to try and sop the hot liquid off of my arm. I didn't think any serious damage was done; mainly, it was hot and unexpected, especially after he had tapped me on the shoulder. "Really, I-I didn't mean to startle you like that..."

I smiled at him as warmly as I could under the circumstances. "Mitch, it's ok." I looked at my arm--it was pink, but not the shiny pink of a fresh burn. "My arm's fine--no harm, no foul." He nodded, but I could tell he still felt awful about it. Suddenly, I found myself liking the fact that he cared so much. I'd had guys spill everything from beer to wine on me and not even bother to stop and apologize.

He took the cup that I had spilled and refilled it before placing it back in my hand. Glancing up into his face, I noticed a large bandage on his head.

"How's your head?" I asked. He looked confused for a moment before answering.

"Oh, it's fine. Five stitches, no problem. But they decided to run a bunch of other tests, just to make sure nothing else was wrong and I didn't have a concussion or anything, so I only got done a little while ago. Then I decided to come see if you were still here." Mitch answered with a smile.

I felt my face flush--he had come to find me. Okay, this was not good. The last guy I had gotten unglued around was, um...uh...okay, it's been that long. I honestly think it was Tommy, and before that probably Shay. I'd always been comfortable around Jamie and Speed since we'd known each other forever, so they didn't count.

Mitch and I chatted for a few minutes before I said I had to be getting back. Thankfully, he didn't ask why I was here, which I respected, because I really didn't think I'd be able to tell him without breaking down. As I was moving to walk away, he gently grabbed my wrist so as not to spill the cup of coffee it was holding. No point in making the same mistake twice.

"Wait. I, um, wanted to thank you and Tommy for giving me a ride here and everything. And I-I...I was wondering if I could see you again after this." He must've noticed my surprised expression. "Just as friends--I want to get to know you better, I guess. In what I do, it's hard to meet honest people that you can have a real friendship with. Most people just try and get on my good side because they know I'll be calling all of the shots one day."

My face was stoic for a moment before it broke out into a huge grin. I'd kind of assumed that we'd keep in touch after we left the hospital, and I was glad that he actually wanted to. We quickly exchanged numbers before I scurried back to the waiting room where Tommy was probably...waiting.

x.xxx.x

"What took you so long?" Tommy asked as he took the cup from me. Well gee, you're welcome.

"I, uh, had some trouble finding the coffee maker. Sorry." I replied, instantly wondering why I'd just lied to Tommy about what had held me up. It wasn't like me talking to Mitch was bad or anything...I just figured it'd be better if I didn't mention it to Tommy. Actually, I **knew** it'd be best not to tell Tommy about it, especially after the ride here. His silence was still grating on my ears.

The interrogation came to an abrupt end, though, because a knock sounded at the door before an impassive-faced doctor walked into the room.

"I'm Doctor Stevens." he introduced, shaking hands with both of us. "Are you the relatives of Stuart and Sadie Harrison?"

"I am." I said quietly. "My father and sister." The doctor nodded, and a silence ensued. Well? Come on, Doc, start talking--this is killing me. I _need_ to know!

Dr. Stevens released a sigh. "I've been in surgery the last three and a half hours with Stuart Harrison." My breath caught in my throat, scared of what might be coming next. I vaguely remember a familiar hand clasping my own. "The car was hit on the driver's side, directly where he was sitting. There was a lot of internal bleeding that we were unable to stop...we lost him, I'm sorry."

The room began to spin, like I was on that ride at the amusement park. Tilt-a-whirl, was that what it was called? I couldn't remember, because the room was spinning too fast for me to comprehend anything besides the fact that my father was dead. **Dead**. How can someone be alive a few hours ago and then the next thing you know they're gone? You'll never speak to them again, never hear them laugh, never never never...

Tommy's hand had mine in a death grip, I could feel the breakdown coming on, but I somehow managed to hold it together long enough to ask one last question.

"And Sadie?"

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**A/N**: All the cool people review. You should jump on the bandwagon. 


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: **I know you all want to read and see what happens, so I'll just say that I'm upping the rating because there is **PROFANITY** ahead. Thanks for the reviews, and to anyone who's reading and enjoying the story!

xx

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**Chapter 6**

Tommy sat down in one of the chairs after Dr. Stevens announced my father's...condition. And, to my complete surprise, I found myself seated in his lap with his arms locked around my waist, holding me steady. Call it a cliche, but Tommy was my rock at the moment, and I'd never been so grateful for him in my life. Despite the past, he was always there for me when it counted. Okay, _almost_ always. But I couldn't hold **one** instance against him for the rest of his life...could I?

When I said my sister's name, the doctor looked away, and I knew this wasn't going to be good news. I couldn't lose both my father and sister in the same night, though. Life wasn't that cruel--I didn't deserve this! No one did, but especially not me. So why was I sitting in this room right now, learning the fate of the only family I had left?

The doctor returned his steady gaze to me. "Sadie suffered a severe head trauma. Because of how the car was hit, her body was thrown towards the passenger door and her head slammed into the window." He paused here, and I waited for the verdict, wishing he would just plow right through it instead of making me wait. "There was brain hemorrhaging, but we managed to get it under control. She's in a coma as we speak."

My body was rigid as he spoke, but when Dr. Stevens said '_coma_' I collapsed back onto Tommy, knowing that if he wasn't holding onto me I would have slithered to the floor in a heap. Coma--that meant she was alive. I wanted to weep with joyful sorrow--joy because she was alive, sorrow because she was in a coma and our father was dead. At least I had my sister. Thank God for small favors. Now if she would only wake up...

Noticing my relief, Dr. Stevens began shaking his head. "There's more."

No. That's impossible. Sadie is in a coma, but she'll wake up. End of story. There can't be more to add to this nightmare. Haven't I been punished _enough_?

"Although we managed to stop the bleeding, there was still major damage done to her brain from the accident." Again he paused, as though unsure how to phrase the next part. "Sadie's brain is unresponsive; although her body is alive, her mind isn't."

Wait. What?

My sister was _brain dead_?

Are you **fucking** kidding me?

"So she's alive, though?" Tommy tentatively asked, obviously slow on the uptake. This couldn't be happening. Not to me, anyway.

"No, Tommy, she's **not** alive!" I exploded, jumping from the chair and his grasp. "Her heart is pumping, but there's no one home up top, ok! So the answer is a big fat **NO**, Sadie is not fucking alive. She's _dead_. D-E-A-D **dead**!"

Dr. Stevens muttered a quiet "I'm sorry" before exiting the room, leaving us alone to deal with the news. Coward. Doctors, all of them, were just a bunch of fucking cowards.

Okay, that's not true, but rationality had flown out the window a long time ago. My father was dead. My sister was dead. But I was alive. And alone.

I was alone.

Tommy seemed to regret his question, but didn't say a word during my rant. I was breathing hard; it felt like there was no air in the room. No matter where I went I knew there wouldn't be enough air. No matter where I went, reality would still be reality.

They were dead.

Without realizing it, I had begun sobbing. "WHY!" I screamed in the small room, not caring that it made Tommy wince. I had a damn good voice box and I planned to use it. "God _dammit_, **WHY** did you take them from me! HUH! Is this some perverted joke? Are they going to walk into this room any minute and tell me it was all a prank, just some fucking prank?" I sunk to the floor, every muscle in my body turned to jelly. "_Why_..." I muttered weakly.

Tommy came over to me, his eyes bright like mine. He crouched down and tried to wrap his arms around me, but I jumped away from him.

"NO!" I shrieked, running from the room. I was insane, plain and simple. Insane with grief, horror, sadness, regret, pain, everything you could think of. I didn't care that he was trying to help--I was beyond help. Everything was.

I ran blindly from the room, not knowing or caring where I was going. I stumbled into Mitch, who was looking stricken as he stood with an older couple. He caught my arms and tried to get me to look at him.

"Jude? Jude, what's wrong?" He asked anxiously, concern oozing from every pore on his body. His sympathy and understanding only made me sob harder, and I viciously pushed him away before continuing my sprint for anywhere but here.

The doors opened automatically, and I gulped in the cool night air like it was water after I had been stranded in the desert for days.

I'd rather be marooned in the desert with no food, no water, and no clothing than face this.

Being hit by lightning was preferable to reality at the moment.

Hell, I'd listen to Eden sing for the rest of my life if it would bring my sister or father back.

But it couldn't. Nothing could. They were dead. Gone. Forever.

And I was still here.

My footsteps faltered as I moved forward into the parking lot, not paying attention to anything. I clenched my fists until my nails dug into the skin of my palms and drew blood. I clenched my eyes shut until I could feel them being pushed to the back of my head.

I screamed.

As loud and as long as I could.

And then I did it again.

A car alarm went off. The doors to the hospital opened and someone walked out, but I didn't care.

I kept screaming.

Screaming for everything I felt at the moment, for the loss I was experiencing.

I screamed, trying to find a release that would never come.

"Jude." Tommy said gently in between my wails. I ignored him and screamed again. He clamped a hand over my mouth to stop the noise, and I tried pushing him away again. It didn't work, so I bit him--hard.

He yelped in pain as I moved away and continued with my screaming, knowing I was waking everyone within a half mile radius if they weren't awake already and not giving a damn. They hadn't just lost their father and sister. They weren't feeling what I was feeling. So they could all shove it.

"Jude, please." He pleaded again, coming for me again. How could he be like this? So calm, so...together.

Oh, that's right.

It was **_my _**sister and **_my_** father that had just died, **not** his.

Fuck him.

I heard the doors open again, but I didn't bother to look at who came out. Their footsteps were drowned out by another deafening scream emanating from my mouth. I knew at this point that I could scream forever, because I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't do anything else. This was all my body knew at the moment.

Suddenly a burly pair of arms wrapped around me from behind, effectively clamping my arms down to my sides. I began kicking and flailing, continuing to scream bloody murder at the stars. In my peripheral vision I could see Tommy standing nearby. It was too dark for me to read his face--I didn't want to know what he was thinking, anyway.

Now who the hell was holding me?

And why wasn't Tommy doing anything to stop him?

Before any of my questions could be answered, I felt a sharp pain in my arm and the world soon became a fuzzy black.

Well, I think I like it better this way, anyway.

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**A/N: **I'm not done yet...evil laugh

But reviews are always nice. D


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: **This chapter is mostly a filler and again, there is language so the rating has been moved up to teen. Thanks to those who review, and to anyone just reading and enjoying the story!

xx**

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**Chapter 7**

I blinked, trying to get my eyes to focus. My head felt...stuffy. Not quite like a hangover, but close. I was disoriented; where in the heck was I?

Once my eyes had adjusted to the light, I glanced around noticed a figure sleeping in a chair in the corner. They looked uncomfortable as hell. Taking in the rumpled clothes and messed brown hair, I suddenly realized just who was sitting in that chair.

Tommy.

Inwardly I groaned--what in the world had I done last night?

And then it all came crashing back--the awards, the phone call, the near-wreck, Mitch, Dr. Stevens, Stuart, Sadie, my hysteria in the parking lot...

I gasped, not because of my earlier actions, but because it was all true. This wasn't a dream. Sadie and Stuart--the only family I had left--were gone. Tears wet my eyes, but I didn't let them fall. Who would be there to wipe them away? I was alone.

In the corner, Tommy began to stir, and I belatedly realized my gasp had probably woken him. He looked like shit. I'm sure I looked worse.

It finally dawned on me that I was lying in a hospital bed--wearing a hospital gown, and nothing else. Oh, this is great. My family is dead and now I've been undressed by a complete stranger--gender unknown.

Wait--how did they manage to undress me? Why couldn't I remember it?

The last thing I remember was seeing Tommy standing nearby as I was locked in some brute's grip, and then a slight sting in my arm before darkness engulfed me.

_Fuck_.

I can't believe they sedated me!

Oops. I must've said that out loud, because now Tommy's eyes were open and he was looking right at me. I avoided his gaze.

"Jude." He stated quietly, simply. But his tone was loaded with everything that had happened last night.

You know, I'd always imagined that when I would think back to what had happened 'last night' involving Tommy one morning, it would be a pleasant occasion. Because in my imagination, what had happened because us was something x-rated. It didn't involved car crashes, or hospitals, or people dying.

Can somebody sedate me...again?

I began to laugh maniacally as the tears finally streamed down my face. Whether I was laughing because of remembering that line from Grey's Anatomy, or because of a momentary lapse of sanity, I'll never really know. All I knew was that my body and its functions were no longer under my control.

Somewhere in there the laughter turned into gasps and hacking, and a paper cup of water was thrust in my face. I grabbed it and gulped it down, just like a shot, before motioning for another. After about four total glasses of ice water, I laid back down on the pillows and closed my eyes.

"Jude, how are you feeling?" Tommy asked in a voice that sounded like he was afraid of how I might react. Well good--I'm glad I made people nervous now.

"Like I was drugged. Which is what happened last night in the parking lot last night, right? They sedated me?" I replied, a somewhat bitter tone coating my words.

He looked away. "Yeah. You were, um, making too much noise. It was disturbing the other patients and people nearby so they didn't really have a choice."

"Well fuck them. They didn't just lose their father and sister, now did they?" I snapped, taking out my anger and pain on the only way possible at the moment.

"No, they didn't." Tommy replied in a complacent tone as he shook his head. For some reason, this just pissed me off even more--my family hadn't even been dead for an entire day yet, and I was already loathing the sympathetic tone everyone used when they talked to me. I wasn't going to break--that had already happened. I didn't want everyone's pity. I didn't want to walk by and hear someone whisper, "Poor girl." I didn't want to be known as the girl who lost her family in a **_tragic_** car accident.

I managed to keep my anger and hurt in check, though; I'm pretty sure I'd have plenty of time to vent later. "Do you know what room Sadie is in?" I asked quietly, finally realizing just how sore my voice was. I guess screaming your lungs out isn't such a great idea, after all.

"221A, on the fourth floor. We're on the second right now." I nodded, then swung off the thin blanket that had been covering me. I clambered ungracefully from the bed, making a beeline for the door.

It took Tommy a moment to realize what I was doing, but when he finally did a hand latched onto my wrist. "Whoa, Jude, what are you doing?"

"Let me go, Tommy." I demanded, my voice brooking no argument.

"Jude, you can't just walk out of here. You're not even dressed!" Tommy argued, keeping a firm grip on my wrist.

"People can stare at my bare ass all they want. Now let me go." Now was not the time for him to be a stubborn jackass.

I felt him shake his head, denying my request.

"Tommy, _please_. Can't I go see my sister?" I pleaded, my voice cracking on the last word. I purposely left out any description of her besides 'my.'

Without a word, he released me, but I barely noticed the nonexistent pressure on my arm now.

"I'll go with you." He offered, his voice grave, understanding how much this was going to affect me.

I didn't say anything, merely exited the room with him walking closely on my tail, probably in an attempt to shield my naked rear from probing eyes. The last thing I cared about at the moment was having my butt plastered on the front cover of a tabloid. There were worse things in life, and if people were so low as to do that to me after my sister and father had just died, then so be it. The life of a celebrity--no privacy, even in the midst of tragedy.

The elevator ride was silent, and before I knew it I was staring at the door to room 221A. Behind that piece of wood was my sister--alive, but dead. I guess there is such a thing as the living dead.

Tommy moved to turn the door knob, but I reached out my hand to stop him. "No, Tommy, I need to do this alone."

He nodded and backed away, retreating to a chair several yards down the hall. Biting my tongue to keep from breaking down again, I opened the door and walked in.

She still looked like the beauty queen that she was. A white bandage was wrapped around her head, and some bruises discolored one side of her face. Still, she was beautiful. She was my sister.

A tube was inserted to help her breath, and I was mesmerized by the rise and fall of her chest beneath the pathetic excuse for a blanket. How was it possible that she would never wake up? It just looked like she was sleeping.

I pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down, the hard plastic feeling cool against my bottom. Normally I would've been disgusted by the fact that I was sitting bare-assed on a filthy hospital chair, but with my sister lying in front of me like that, I wouldn't have cared if I was stark naked in a tank full of cockroaches.

Leaning forward, I grabbed her hand. It was warm. Her french manicure still looked perfect; I knew she had gotten it done the day before for the awards. There were still the slight remnants of makeup on her face. I suddenly realized that I'd never gotten to see her in her dress, which she had raved about for days but never let me see, claiming it was a surprise. Vice versa, I wouldn't let her see mine. Now she never would.

"Sadie..." I whispered faintly, my throat closing up as my vision became blurry.

I cried.

I was sure that more water was falling from my eyes than Niagra Falls, but it didn't stop. So I just kept crying, until I passed out next to my sister, still holding her hand.

x.xxx.x

A hand was jarring my shoulder, trying to wake me up. When I did, I found Tommy staring down intently at me, worry clearly evident in his eyes.

"Officer Steele is finally here...I think we should go talk to him." He stated gently, helping me get up from the chair. When my face showed confusion, Tommy clarified his statement. "About the accident?"

I nodded mutely and let him lead me back down to the second floor so I could change back into my clothes. As I walked away from the bed, Sadie's hand fell limply from my own. It was still implausible that she was dead.

When I exited the bathroom, now fully dressed, I found Tommy waiting silently in my room with another man, dressed in uniform. I didn't need an introduction to know who he was, but I got one anyway.

I limply shook his hand before waiting for him to get started. For a second, I didn't even want to know. What did it matter? They were dead. How it happened wasn't really a big deal anymore.

"Stuart Harrison was driving the 2006 Nissan Maxima, while Sadie was riding in the passenger seat. The collision occurred at a four way stoplight around ten o'clock last night. The other car, a 2003 Ford Explorer, hit on the driver's side, T-boning the Maxima." Officer Steele explained, keeping his facial expression impassive as he spoke.

"Wh-why did they hit each other?" I inquired, needing to know who I could blame for the collision.

"The traffic lights malfunctioned; all four ways had green lights showing." My gaze quickly shot to Officer Steele's, confused and angry.

"How the hell did that happen? I've never heard of something like that before." I almost shouted, trying to keep a rein on myself.

Officer Steele sighed. "That's why it took me so long to get here and talk to you. Several blocks away another accident occurred, single vehicle, though. A car had run into a power line, and we think that caused the problem at the traffic light. We had to shut down about seven lights and direct traffic by hand until someone could get out there and fix everything."

There was a moment of awkward silence as I digested this information. "What about the people in the other car? Were they okay?" I asked, torn about what I wanted the answer to be.

"The driver had a fractured wrist, and the passenger had a mild concussion. A child in the backseat was unharmed. Other than that, they were all fine." The man answered, looking away for a moment. "I'm sorry about your loss."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. How could this be happening to me? Why did both my father and sister have to die while the other people involved walked away with practically cuts and bruises?

Realizing that I was finally beyond words, Officer Steele mumbled something to Tommy that I didn't catch and left the room. As the door clicked shut, Tommy came over and cradled me in his arms. And for once, I didn't object.

We sat like that for a while, him rocking me like a frightened child that couldn't sleep because of a nightmare.

A knock sounded at the door.

And my nightmare continued.

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_Camsma -- Haha, thanks! I know, I know, I'm evil--but it keeps things interesting, right? And you're not bad--I used worse words all the time. Shh.._

_aubibi -- I wish I could give you a kleenex or something! It is sad about Stuart and Sadie...but I had to do it. About Mitch, though...you'll just have to wait and see! Thanks for reading and reviewing!_

_MyCrAzyWorld -- Aw, thank you! And somebody's using their noggin about Mitch...:P_

_mandy1485 -- I'm going to take me being evil as a compliment, lol. Sorry for the confusion, though. Did this chapter help clear things up? If not, just PM me or something and I'll be happy to explain._

_tommyandjude4ever -- Thank you! I'll try and get the next chapter up ASAP since this one is pretty much a filler._

_Funkyicecub -- I'll try and update soon! Thanks for reviewing!_

_Tanya50801 -- Have no worries--this story will definitely be a Jommy. It just might take a little while...or maybe a long while...Thanks for reading and taking the time to review, I appreciate it!_

_xx_


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Alright, I'm dead. You guys have gotten, what, like four updates in the last two days? Of course, I'll probably get another one out tomorrow--no guarantee, though. Major thanks to everyone who's reading, and especially those that leave me those wonderful reviews! I'm addicted to them! And I can't go into withdrawal, now, can I?

xx

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Chapter 8

"I still don't understand." I said as I gestured at the papers in the man's hands. "What's this all mean?"

Mr. Donovan sighed, obviously frustrated with my lack of comprehension. Well excuse me for not going to law school for half of my life. It's not like any normal person would understand all the terms he's using, anyway. I thought my life couldn't _possibly_ get any worse ten minutes ago when I was sobbing in Tommy's arms...

Famous last words, because then this lawyer walked in.

The look on his face--besides the obvious frustration--made me immediately wish that Tommy was still in the room. Since these were supposed to be legal matters, though, and everything had to be confidential, Tommy as forced to leave, and I could practically imagine the laps he was doing in the hall. The nurses would go crazy.

"First of all, you've inherited everything from your late father and sister--cars, houses, personal belongings, and even bills. It's all yours, now. Mr. Harrison's will clearly stated that all of his assets would be given to his children in the event of his passing, and you're the only child left." Mr. Donovan explained in a calm voice.

The last thing he said hit me hard--_only child_. That's what I was now. Funny thing was, I'd practically wished to be one my entire life. I was always overshadowed by my perfect older sister, Sadie--she was smart, beautiful, talented. Everyone just viewed me as her loser younger sister, at least until I won Instant Star. But even then, Sadie still managed the claim the spotlight pretty often.

The guilt was eating at me, though--all those years of despising not necessarily my sister, just her accomplishments, and wishing I was an only child...and here I actually was one. Life had taken biting me in the ass to a whole new, unbelievable level. Mr. Donovan began talking again, and I finally tuned back in.

"...Sadie had never made a will before, so by law all of her assets go to the next of kin--which would be you."

I squeezed my eyes shut--of course Sadie hadn't ever made a will. She was only _twenty_ years old; she wasn't supposed to be dead yet. She was supposed to have a successful career, get married, have kids, have grandchildren, anything but this. I'd always imagine Sadie would die peacefully in her sleep when she was eighty-five years old after she had lived a long, happy life. She wasn't supposed to die on the way to the Grammy's. The Grammy's...oh God, she wouldn't have been going there if it wasn't for me. It was all my fault; I killed my family.

Sure, that was crazy talk. But I couldn't force myself to believe otherwise. If it wasn't for me and my music, Sadie and Stuart would still be alive.

The lawyer was talking again. "Also, as Sadie's next of kin you're going to have to make some major decisions." Mr. Donovan released a deep breath, and I knew the worst was still yet to come. "You obviously know that Sadie's brain is dead but her body is still alive." _No shit, thanks for the reminder_. "The policy is that she was supposed to be taken off life support after six hours of no brain activity. That time was up last night, but considering the...circumstances, the doctors decided to hold off on it. Because they did that, they now can't do anything to her without her family's consent, which at this point has to come from you. Basically, Sadie will remain on life support until you sign a release allowing them to take her off of it."

A beat passed before I began shaking my head slowly. I suddenly felt a repeat of last night coming on. "No. No!" I screeched before bolting for the door. They couldn't, they wouldn't do this to me. I'd already killed my sister once--now they wanted me to do it _again_?

Tommy must've heard me because he caught me as soon as I escaped the confines of the room with Mr. Donovan in it.

"Jude? Jude, look at me. What happened in there?" I struggled in his grip but remained mercifully silent. "Come on, girl, talk to me. **Please**."

Realizing that my squirming was useless, I shrank to the floor, taking Tommy with me. In a heap on the floor, I said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I have to kill my sister..."

Tommy's eyes widened in shock; I could tell he wanted to ask me again, to have me repeat what I had just said, but we both knew I wouldn't be able to say it twice. Plus, he'd heard me the first time. If there was anything in the world I couldn't stand, it was being redundant.

Mr. Donovan appeared in the open doorway, looking unnerved. _Unnerved_. Hell, I'd take that any day. I still couldn't get over how...professional he had been in there. Like it was just another day for him. I wondered if all lawyers were like that? You know, like it was no biggie when they told someone they were being sued, or divorced, or convicted of a felony. To the lawyers, it was just another paycheck. To everyone else, it was the end of the fucking free world. To put it blatantly, lawyers and the news they brought sucked. More than sucked, actually. It didn't take a genius to figure out why there were so many jokes against them.

Of course, I wasn't finished talking to Mr. Donovan, the damn lawyer whom I was now going to call the Grim Reaper, or Angel of Death, or something really really really inappropriate to actually say. I hadn't decided which yet, but whatever I decided on for his nickname was definitely not going to be flattering in any way, shape, or form.

I untangled myself from Tommy and went back into the room, muttering a quick "Sorry" to Mr. Donovan as I went by him. As he closed the door behind us, I caught a glimpse of Tommy still sitting on the floor staring after me, looking completely lost and helpless. Yeah, well, he wasn't the only one who felt that way.

Once the door was firmly shut, I turned back to the lawyer as a sudden thought occurred to me. "Wait--why am _I_ the one who has to give consent? I know it's next of kin, but what about our mother? Shouldn't she make the decision instead of me?"

"Technically, yes, but Sadie..." As he answered, comprehension began to dawn on Mr. Donovan's face.

"But Sadie what?" I asked impatiently. Abruptly stopping in the middle of a very important sentence was not a good thing to do, here. In fact, I could feel the grip I had on my control beginning to slip, and I was positive I would lost it again if he didn't answer in the next millisecond.

"I thought you knew." He went on, still seeming flabbergasted of my apparent unawareness.

"Knew _what_?" I practically shouted, ready to strangle the man if he didn't finish this thought. What didn't I know?

"Sadie disowned Victoria Harrison about nine months ago. She emancipated herself from her; in the legal world, they're not related anymore." Mr. Donovan finally stated, causing me to collapse into the nearest chair.

_What_?

How could...how could Sadie have done that and never said a word? Yeah, I was pissed at our mother for not contacting us in almost a year, but I'd never even considered going that far. Sadie must've been more hurt than I'd ever realized...unless there was something she knew that I didn't?

"Miss Harrison? Are you okay? Is there something I can get for you?" He asked, looking nervous about my stunned silence.

I shook my head, finally able to give him an answer. "Um, no...I'll be okay. _I hope_." I added under my breath, not loud enough for him to hear.

He nodded and stood up. "I'll just leave you to digest this for a while, then. I'll be in touch." Mr. Donovan produced a card from his suit pocket. "Here's the number for my office and cell; give me a call when you've figured things out. If not, I'll talk to you soon again anyways."

Wordless I took his card, and then he left and I was alone in the room...for a total of about three seconds, that is. As soon as Mr. Donovan was gone, Tommy rushed into the room, looking worried.

I was getting really sick of that worried look.

"How'd it go?" Tommy questioned cautiously, slowly lowering himself into the chair next to mine and scooting it closer. He grabbed my hand, waiting for a response.

But I couldn't give him one. For what felt like the millionth time in an hour, I shook my head back and forth. I swear I could've felt my brain moving around in my cranium--I guess I had a loose screw.

Tommy finally figured out that I wasn't going to answer him, so we just sat there in silence, him all the while becoming more anxious. I knew he wanted to know what had happened, but I wasn't ready to tell anyone...not yet.

x.xxx.x

Sometime later--I'm not really sure how long--Tommy left to go get some coffee. Looking around at the empty, bare room, I decided that I couldn't stay in here any longer. After ditching my chair I quickly rushed out into the hallway and ran right into Mitch--again.

He caught me (again), and once I was steady on my feet I noticed the bouquet of cheerful-looking flowers in his hand. They had the opposite of the desired affect on me; they were depressing in their brightness. Like a bunch of pretty flowers would do anything. All you ended up doing was watching them die--yeah, that's real helpful for the sick person.

"Mitch, um, hi." I said, finally noticing the pinched and drawn look on his face. There were bags under his eyes, and the telltale spark I'd noticed in his gaze had become very dim.

"Jude." He stated simply in a tired, voice. Still, I detected the slightest note in his tone that alerted me to the fact that he was happy to see me again.

"Uh, sorry about that. And about, erm, last night." I stumbled out, not meeting his gaze anymore. As for how much he saw--or heard, more likely--I didn't know, but I figured 'last night' could cover several things, including how I tripped into him then, too.

"No worries." I suddenly found all of his attention focused on me as he peered down at me, an intense yet caring look in his gaze. "You okay?"

Automatically, I almost spat out the standard '_Fine_,' but I stopped at the last second. I was anything but, so why lie about it?

"No." I choked out before tears welled in my eyes and spilled down my face. My frame soon became engulfed in a hug by a larger one, and it surprisingly made me feel better, if only marginally. My breathing couldn't even be called breathing--it was heaving gulps of air, a fruitless attempt at trying to calm down. I knew I wouldn't be able to calm down for a long time; I needed to get all of this out, once and for all.

So I sobbed my heart out in the arms of a near stranger, not caring about anything except letting some of my pain out.

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_Funkyicecube -- I couldn't help but laugh at your comment. All the great fics do put Jude through hell, huh? We live in a world that's addicted to drama and tragedy, I guess. And smut, if you're from DLS. :P_

_tampabay15 -- Aw, thank you! I'll try and get the next chapter out as soon as I can. I'm so happy that you're enjoying the story!_

_MyCrAzyWorld -- Sorry, it was neither Mitch nor Jude's mom that walked in, as you've already figured out. But they were both mentioned in this chapter, and Mitch was actually in it, lol. I'll try and keep up the good work--hopefully I won't disappoint!_

_Tanya50801 -- Lol, I'm with you on that--it's all about Jommy. I can't even fathom writing a story where they don't end up together. But it's fun coming up with how they get there!_

_mandy1485 -- Glad things are clear for you now. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Duddley111 -- I'm sorry it's so sad. I promise it will be happy eventually...like maybe at the end? hides But I'll try and get some good moments in there for you._

_bunnypook -- Haha, I didn't mean to make you mad! Did this chapter help?_

_**Thanks for all the reviews, everyone--I truly appreicate them, more than you know.**_


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Hey guys, sorry this took so long to get out. It's about 2500 words, but I'm still kind of disappointed with it. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I didn't mean to drag out Stuart and Sadie's deaths this much, but I'm a really wordy person and there are several loose ends I need to tie up. I know a lot of you are wondering why Jude won't let Tommy comfort her, and that's going to come in the next chapter I think. Thanks for sticking with me and reading and reviewing! I'd reply to the reviews from the last chapter, but I'm dead on my feet...er, bottom, lol. I really do appreicate them, though, so special thanks to everyone that takes the time to do that for me.

xx

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Chapter 9

"Oh, crap, I'm so sorry--I soaked your shirt." I said a few minutes later, completely embarrassed as I looked at the wet spot on Mitch's red t-shirt. "It seems I'm always apologizing to you for something, huh?"

Mitch provided a smile, although his face was still obviously strained with tension. "Don't worry about it; I always have gorgeous rockstars cry on my shoulder." He teased, on arm still cradling me.

"Still, I feel really bad about it..." I responded, blushing slightly at him calling me a 'gorgeous rockstar.'

"It'll dry." Mitch shrugged. Noticing the slightly worried look on my face, he continued in a more serious tone. "Look, Jude, I really don't mind. You looked like you really needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was more than happy to offer you mine." He titled my head up with a finger. "Ok? And if you want to talk about anything..."

I nodded, wondering at the compassion and understanding I found in this man I barely knew. I finally noticed the flowers Mitch had, which he was holding in the hand that wasn't around me.

"Who are those for?" I asked, instantly regretting my question as I noticed his face darken slightly. I'm such an idiot--we were in a hospital, for goodness sake. Obviously someone he knew was here being treated for something. Why do I always say the dumbest things at the absolute worst times?

"A friend." He answered, clearly not wanting to talk about it. "She was in an accident earlier."

I didn't ask for more details, knowing that pushing someone was the very worst thing you could do. He still hadn't asked about my troubles, so I'd do the same favor for him. Maybe one day soon we'd both be able to share the real reason we were here.

Looking down the hall, I noticed Tommy standing down there, frozen to his spot as he stared at me. Or rather, me still in Mitch's embrace. The last thing I needed at the moment was an over-protective Tommy causing chaos.

"I've gotta go." I stated quietly, keeping an eye on Tommy in case he moved an closer. "Thanks again, Mitch--for everything."

He gave me a quick squeeze before answering. "Anytime, Jude."

We separated and he made a move to walk away. "Hey," I called out, causing him to turn back to me.

"Yeah?" He replied, a questioning look arranged on his features.

"Give me a call in a couple days, would you?" I asked, knowing instantly that I _really_ wanted to see him again, if just to talk.

"I was already planning to, actually." Mitch responded, and I believed his answer.

"Oh. Good."

He smiled again. "See you around, Harrison." With that he turned back around and walked away, undoubtedly to deliver the flowers to someone behind one of the many doors in the building.

"I hope so..." I whispered to myself, watching him walk away. Right before he disappeared around the corner, Mitch looked back and caught me staring at him. I blushed again, although he was too far away to see it, which was probably a good thing. He flash me another smile, and I gave him one of mine in return. Then, he was gone.

I turned around and made my way to Tommy, who was still standing there holding the coffees with a sour look on his face. Guessing, I took a cup ad gulped down a sip, relieved when I realized I had chosen correctly.

"Jude." Tommy said in a neutral tone, watching me.

"Hmm." I replied, not meeting his gaze.

"What was that about? You and Mitch?" He asked, letting a hint of unease into his voice, and maybe some anger, too--or was that just my imagination?

"Nothing, really." I answered with a shrug.

"Jude." Tommy said pointedly, knowing I wasn't being completely truthful.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "What, Tommy? I was upset, ok? And he was there..." I trailed off, knowing exactly what Tommy's response was going to be.

Tommy's voice was laced with ire and more than a little bit of hurt. "He was _there_? Jude, I've been in that room with you for the past couple of hours, doing nothing but being _there_ for you, not to mention last night. Why'd you open up for him when you wouldn't for me?"

"I just...did. And I didn't open up to him; I just made a big wet spot on his shirt." That was true. I hadn't told Mitch anything about what had happened to me.

"I don't believe that, not for a second. Now seriously, Jude, tell me why you couldn't cry on _my_ shoulder. There has to be a reason." Tommy almost shouted in my face. Looking down, I noticed the styrofoam cup beginning to shake in my hand. I'd had my emotions under control--and now I was starting to unravel again.

"Just _stop_, Tommy--stop interrogating me! I don't know, ok? I just don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore." I whimpered the last part in a defeated voice, feeling helpless because it was true. I **didn't**know anything anymore. The world as I knew it was completely gone, forever. I had to start over, but without the support of my family behind me this time. It was like trying to navigate the Colorado River with a paddle, or driving with your eyes closed.

"Jude..." Tommy began, but I cut him off. God, how many different ways could that man say my name? It was really starting to get on my nerves, the way he could convey so much simply by saying my name.

"Don't. Now's not the time for this; I don't know when the time will be, but it's definitely not now, so just leave it alone." I interrupted wearily. If I didn't have this coffee in my hand, I surely would've collapsed not from physical exhaustion, but from emotional. Turmoil in your head always translated to your body, though, so I guess it's all the same.

"I'm sorry." He tried, but I shook my head at him and held my hand up in a gesture telling him to stop.

"Did you not just hear a single word I said, Tommy? _Not now_." I snapped at him, not knowing what really caused the break in my control. There were too many contributing factors for it to have been just one, I decided. "I need to make some phone calls. Why don't you go back to the hotel and get some sleep?"

Now it was his turn to shake his head. "I'm not leaving you here alone, Jude. Besides, I drove you--how will you get to the hotel?"

"I'll take a cab and probably go pick up my car." He still looked skeptical. "Seriously, Tommy, go back to the hotel. You're exhausted." Tommy tried to deny this, but I knew the truth. "You are, don't try convincing me otherwise. Look, I appreciate all you've done for me, really I do, but this is for me to deal with. I'll be there in a little while, ok? Everyone's probably worried, so you can tell them what happened."

"Jude, I'm not leaving you here. And I called Kwest and Darius while you were, um, sleeping. They know what happened, and I'm sure they told the other necessary people that needed to know. So there's no reason for me not to be here with you." Tommy asserted, thinking his reasoning was foolproof. But I knew his weakness.

"Please, Tommy, just go." I pleaded, but noting his adamant face, I added the kicker. "For me?"

His face immediately softened. "If you really want me to go, I will, Jude."

"I do." I said, nodding.

"Ok." He replied, still hesitating. "I'll be back soon, though, not more than a couple of hours. Do you want me to bring you something? I don't think you've eaten since last night, you have to be starving."

"Nah, I'm ok." I had a feeling that anything I ate would come right back up. It'd be better if I just waited a while.

"Are you sure? Not even a junior bacon cheeseburger with no pickle?" Tommy asked, and I was pleased by the fact that he still remembered my favorite fast food. Still, I shook my head. Not even that would stay down, I was sure.

"Ok, then." Tommy said, sounding slightly defeated. Did he actually want to take care of me? "But if you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to call. I'd be here in a second."

"I know." I said softly. Tommy really would in fact come to me at the drop of a hat if I called him. I knew stop signs and red lights would mean nothing if I needed him.

He stepped forward, enclosing me in his arms. I leaned into him, appreciating the comfort and strength he provided. "God, you are so strong..." Tommy muttered into my hair. A shiver went up my spine as his warm breath hit my scalp. In the back of my mind, I realized I could stay like this forever.

Tommy left, and now I truly was alone. The shock had worn off somewhat, albeit minimally. During those two hours I had spent with Tommy in the room after Mr. Donovan had left, I had frozen my heart in place, vowing to unfreeze it and finally let loose all of my emotions at a later time. For now, though, I didn't have time to grieve. There was too much to be done, and it all had to be done by me.

I crumped the now empty white cup in my hand and tossed it in a nearby trash can. I began my search for a phone since I knew the battery for my cell would be long dead by now. As I was still wandering around, an intern came up to me.

"Jude Harrison?" She asked, looking slightly nervous, but because of my fame or something else I didn't know.

"Yes?" I replied, wondering what I was up against now.

"I'm Dr. Grear, and I'd like to talk to you about organ donation."

Once again, it felt like I had been slapped in the face. Except by now, the side of my face was already numb so I didn't really feel it anymore.

"Ok..." I finally responded, not knowing what I was supposed to say. Whose organ's did she want, anyway? My father's or Sadie's?

"If you would follow me in here so we can have some privacy." She said, gesturing to an empty conference room a little ways down the hallway.

x.xxx.x

About half an hour later, I passed over three consent forms to Dr. Grear, now displaying my fresh signature. Somewhere deep inside, I was stunned. Had I really just given away parts of Sadie's body?

How could I do that, really? It was _her_ body, not mine. And I know she couldn't decide for herself, but it still felt like I was giving away something that wasn't mine to give.

After thinking for a few minutes, though, I realized I had made the right decision. Sadie, for all of her appearances, was one of the kindest people at heart that I knew. I remember when I was eight and she was ten; we were at the mall a few weeks after Christmas. Each of us still had the money we had received as gifts, and that day we were supposed to spend it on whatever we wanted. Both of us had received equal amounts so there wouldn't be fighting. Our parents put most of it in a savings account for us, but we were left with thirty dollars to spend, which seemed like a million.

On the way into the mall, there was a man in front of the door collecting money for charity, although he wasn't wearing a big red Santa suit like we would've seen a few weeks ago. I don't remember what organization he was collecting for. What I remember is Sadie opening up the little pouch that held her money, and pulling out the twenty dollar bill. Without the slightest hint of hesitation or regret, she folded the bill up and stuffed it into the little opening of the container the man was holding. He graciously thanked her, and then we went into the building.

I remember watching her, then looking at my mother's face. Victoria was shocked, to say the least, but there was also pride visible on her face because of what her eldest daughter had just done. All the time, people who had plenty to spare bypassed charity collections, and here a ten-year-old had just given away two-thirds of her money.

That wasn't the end of it, though. Later on, when all of us were hungry, Sadie treated the three of us to lunch at the food court with her remaining ten dollars. Our mom tried to convince her to spend the money on herself, but Sadie adamantly refused. As we were finishing our lunch--which was McDonald's, since you don't grow sick of it for at least a couple more years--Victoria asked Sadie why she had donated her money and bought us lunch instead of spending it on herself.

Without even thinking about it, Sadie replied, "Because I got everything I wanted at Christmas. Why would I need more?"

As she grew older, things changed, of course, but I never failed to notice how often Sadie gave money to a charity when she dragged me out shopping with her. Eventually, I followed her example and dropped money in the collection buckets all the time as well.

Dr. Grear said something that brought me out of my reverie, but I still didn't catch what she said. I didn't think much more needed to be said. Stuart had been gone too long for his organs to be useful anymore, and I had just donated all--and I mean all--of Sadie's organs that you could. Heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, pancreas, gall bladder, eyes, even her skin...

Some people may have been disgusted, but if it could help save someone else's life, I knew Sadie would have wanted it. Obviously Sadie wouldn't be the beauty queen she was once they were done, but that didn't matter. On a random day a while ago we had discussed our deaths and how we wanted them handled; she wanted to be cremated. Sadie also wanted her ashes to be scattered off a cliff in Italy into the ocean.

I intended to fulfill her request.

But first, I needed to do several things, including make arrangements to have Sadie taken off life support so her organs could be harvested and arrange to have my father's body flown back to Toronto for a funeral.

I left Dr. Grear in the room and finally found a found. After searching through the phonebook, I inserted a quarter I found in my pocket and dialed the unfamiliar number.

An older man answered the phone. "Grabler Investigations, Dave speaking."

"Hi, I'd like to inquire about hiring someone to find my mother..."


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: **You'll find out why Jude won't let Tommy in in Chapter 12. I'm dead, so you don't have to bother with my incessant rambling tonight.

xx**

* * *

**

**Chaper 10**

The sun was going down as I finally made my way out to the parking lot. It would have been beautiful if my mind wasn't tainted with the horror of what I'd just been through and was, in fact, _still_ going through.

Exhausted didn't even begin to describe the fatigue I felt; I would've gladly keeled over on the asphalt and never gotten up, but I had a feeling that if I did I would somehow wake up in a hospital bed later. If it wasn't for my lack of vitality, I might have realized that a cab wouldn't magically be waiting for me as soon as I walked out the door. Alas, I finally recognized this fact and turned to go back inside when a familiar car caught my eye.

I dragged my feet about fifteen yards down the aisle of cars until I was directly in front of an electric blue Viper. Looking inside, I noticed a figure asleep in the driver's seat. It could only be one person--Tommy. I found myself smiling; he had stayed here for me, even though I had clearly told him to go back to the hotel earlier. Stubborn man.

Quietly I slipped into the passenger seat beside him, comforted by the familiar feel of the soft leather of his seats. This car held so many memories; if Tommy ever tried to get rid of it--which I highly doubted, but you never know--I wouldn't let him, because I think I loved this car almost as much as he did. Hey, I had received my first driving lesson with these wheels, so it held a certain sentimental value.

As the door clicked shut, Tommy's eyes fluttered open. He shifted, then froze when he saw me sitting next to him. After a second, he relaxed, probably after realizing that I wasn't some creepy stalker fan. Although that might be fun to try on him sometime.

"Hey." I said softly, watching as he fully woke up.

"Hey." Tommy replied with a yawn, stretching the best that he could in the small space of the car's interior.

"I thought I told you to go back to the hotel, Tommy." I stated, still a little irked that he hadn't followed my wishes.

"I did." I raised an eyebrow. "You never said how long I had to stay there." Tommy said.

Give me a break.

What are we, five years old? Of course I meant go to the hotel and _stay_ there for a while, like sleep in his room for a couple of hours. Still, you had to admire his logic, no matter what age level it was equivalent to.

"I meant for you to stay there for longer than two seconds--you know, actually go to your room and sleep in a bed." I admonished, wondering how I had to be the mature one even though he was seven years my senior.

"How was I supposed to know? You didn't say that." Tommy shrugged as I rolled my eyes. "Besides, I was actually there for _three_ seconds." Tommy teased, smiling at me.

I smiled. Crap. I swear those pearly whites of his are infectious. He knew I wasn't mad at him for coming back to the hospital. In fact, he could probably tell that I was even a little bit grateful.

"You're one of a kind, Quincy." I said, chuckling slightly. When was the last time I had done that? If felt good--laughing, that is.

"So are you, Harrison." Tommy replied in a more serious tone. He was looking at me...differently, I guess. I know that's not very descriptive, but I'd never really seen this look on his face before--it began to unnerve me.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, during which something indescribable passed between us. Finally, unable to stand it, I broke the silence. "So, what are you really doing here?"

"Giving you a ride." Tommy explained, gesturing at the vehicle we were seated in with more gusto than needed. Sometimes I wondered just how deep his feelings for this car ran...

"But what about my car? I was going to go get it when I got done here." I commented, a sudden pain striking through my heart at the thought of my Mustang. I vowed right then and there to never get rid of it, no matter what. That was one of the last things I had left of my dad, not to mention all the time we had spent together fixing it up.

"It's already taken care of." Tommy answered vaguely. Ok, where is my car and what has he done with it?

"Tommy, where the heck is my car?" I interrogated, narrowing my eyes in expectation of his answer.

"The hotel." He said simply.

"Ok. You want to explain how it got there?" My eyes were still squinted as I glared at him. However, all I really could think about was the fact that Tommy still looked better than a junior bacon cheeseburger with no pickle even when I was squinting. Is it possible to look good squinty? Apparently so, because he did. Life is just not fair.

Tommy released a sigh before answering, showing his reluctance to explain. "I took a cab to where the awards were held last night, drove your car to the hotel and grabbed a quick shower, then caught another cab back here to wait for you."

That actually made sense. Except for one thing. "How did you get into my car? It was locked." Okay, squinty eyes was giving me a headache. A normal glare would do just fine for my purposes.

"I snitched your keys." Tommy said, not even having the grace to look sheepish. I wonder if he acted the same way after one of his trademark hit-and-runs--you know, hook up with a girl and be gone by morning, never to speak to her again. Eh, who cared, it was none of my business anyway.

But I still cared.

Just a tiny bit, though. Miniscule.

When I didn't reply to his confession, Tommy just shrugged and stuck the key in the ignition.

"You ready to go?" He asked, hand poised to start the engine.

I glanced at the large building in front of me, thinking of everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. "Yeah." I answered quietly, squeezing my eyes closed in an attempt to shut out the assault of thoughts and emotions I was experiencing just from seeing the hospital.

Silently Tommy nodded and drove away from the hospital, most likely in the direction of the hotel we were staying at. Settling more comfortable into my seat, a loud grumble alerted the world to my body's current thoughts.

"You hungry?" Tommy questioned, a small smirk on his face because he already knew the answer.

Well, duh. "Ravenous." I agreed, suddenly realizing I hadn't eaten since last night. After everything, I hadn't really paid attention to my physical needs, but now that I was away from the hospital, I couldn't ignore my body anymore. It wanted food, a long hot bath, and sleep.

"Ravenous? I didn't know you knew words longer than six letters, Harrison." Tommy joked, trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled in return. "I didn't know you could even count that high."

He smirked. "You'd be surprised. I have a lot of hidden talents that you don't know about."

"Yet." I added. One of these days I would figure Tom Quincy out; it just wasn't going to be today, or probably any day soon, for that matter. It didn't mean I wasn't going to, though. Patience is a virtue, as my junior high art teacher always used to say.

Tommy swung into the first fast food restaurant we found--a Taco Bell. As he pulled into the drive-thru, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Chicken quesadilla and some cinnamon twists." I answered after glancing at the menu board for a minute. He nodded, then gave our orders into the speaker before pulling up to the window.

About ten minutes later, I stuffed our trash into the bad the food came in and dropped it onto the floor next to my feet. I was somewhat surprised that Tommy let us eat in his car, but I didn't bother commenting on the fact. All I could concentrate on was the cheesy goodness dripping from the quesadilla before my mouth devoured it.

I slouched down in my seat then, and the rest of the world seemed to disappear as I drifted off to sleep listening to the purr of the Viper's engine.

x.xxx.x

I remember waking up sometime later to a strange sensation. I stiffened, still disoriented from my slumber. Then it felt like I was being squeezed--later I would realize that Tommy had tightened his grip on me as I woke up.

I was juggled around a little bit while Tommy searched for something in my purse, probably the key card to my room. Finding it, I heard a click and moments later I was being lain down on that blissful softness known as a bed.

"Tommy?" I mumbled groggily, still not really sure where I was or what I was doing.

"Shh, Jude, go back to sleep." He replied softly, in a voice he probably would've used if he were talking to a child. I complied in seconds and retreated back into a world that I wouldn't remember in the morning.

x.xxx.x

A few hours later found me wide awake, staring up at the ceiling in the dark. No matter how hard I tried, my body refused to shut down again, even though I still needed way more sleep than I had gotten. Leaning over, I glanced at the clock on the end table. _10:38. _A little red dot indicated that it was PM. So, I'd only gotten a couple hours of sleep and it didn't look like I was going to get any more anytime soon.

I flipped on the lamp next to the bed. A shiny glint reflected in my eyes; it was my Grammy award. Kwest must've put it in here for me. It wasn't unreasonable for me to have forgotten it in all of the chaos from last night, so I appreciated Kwest looking after it for me. Oh, no--Kwest. How did he react to the news about Sadie? They _still_ hadn't started dating yet, but I knew about all of the secret looks they shot each other that they thought no one caught. Truth be told, they were in love with each other. They just hadn't admitted it yet. And now they never would be able to.

Suddenly, I found myself directing an intense amount of hatred and loathing at the object in front of me. I hated how shiny it looked in the light--there was nothing for it to be so sparkly about. It was just a stupid piece of junk; it didn't mean anything.

I jumped out of bed and grabbed the vile thing before storming out my door, thankfully remembering to grab my key on the way out.

Award in hard, I pounded on the door to room 2124 and stepped back, waiting for someone to answer.

* * *

**_MyCrAzyWorld _**-- _That's such a relief! Seriously, though, feel free to tell me if my wordiness reaches the point of being boring. I'd appreciate it! Thanks for sticking with me so long! D_

_**Adrienne **-- I made you cry? Would it be bad if I said I was happy about that? I'm glad you liked the little bit of Jommy in the last chapter. I still don't want people to forget that this _will_ be a Jommy; I couldn't imagine it as anything else. Thanks for reviewing!_

_**tommyandjude4ever **-- Hehe, Tommy and Jude are both so stubborn that you never know what they'll do next or how long it will take them to work something out. You'll just have to wait and see! Thanks for the great review!_

_**squashstar** -- Wow,what a great compliment! Thanks so much!_

_**cecapo3610 **-- Thanks! More is on the way, I promise!_

_**scott4eva **-- Will do! I might be gone for most of today (Friday), though, so it might be a couple days before there's another update._

_**Duddley111 **-- Aw, thank you! Please keep reviewing--I really enjoy them!_

_**kolerox** -- Lol, there will be some good Jommy action eventually. It just might take a while. Thanks for the review!_

_**tampabay15 **-- I'm glowing from your review! Thanks so much! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. )_

_**Tanya50801 **-- You'll just have to keep reading and find out! Thank you for your wonderful review, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story._

**Thanks guys! I 3 you all--keep 'em coming, and I'll keep cranking out chapters. Hope you enjoyed it. D**

**xx**


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Jude? Why aren't you sleeping?" Tommy asked after opening his door. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hand and then blinked several times, trying to discern if it really was me.

"Here." I said, shoving the award at him.

He looked down at it, but didn't take it. "Huh? What's going on, Jude?"

"I think you should have this." Tommy began shaking his head in refusal. "Seriously, Tommy. You worked just as hard on that album as I did, if not more so."

He still made no move to take the object in my hands. "Please?" I begged, hoping he wouldn't fight me on this.

"Jude..." Tommy began in a patient voice, although I could tell how truly irritated he was.

"Tommy, just take it." I demanded, almost jabbing him in the stomach with the award. That got his attention at least, if not his cooperation.

"No, Jude. That award is yours--you earned it." His eyes turned soft and gooey, like a chocolate chip cookie that just came out of the oven. Except cookies aren't blue. But still. "Now what's this really about?"

"You won't take it? Fine." I snapped before marching back down the hall to my room, leaving him standing flabbergasted in the doorway to his room as he watched me stalk away like a five year.

I stormed into my room after slipping in the magnetized key card, then slammed the door behind me. I yanked the zipper on my suitcase with more force than necessary, almost jamming it. Articles of clothing starting flying everywhere as I dug carelessly through the pile of neatly packed clothes for my prey, not caring how much of a mess I was making. Finding my quarry, I stripped and slipped into it. Grabbing something from the bathroom, I disappeared from my room, the award in tow once again.

x.xxx.x

I loved the feeling of my hair streaming behind me as I glided through the water. The only lights on were those in the pool and a couple of ones near the doors; I was alone. It was past eleven--the pool had closed over an hour ago. It's amazing what a little flirting will get one, especially if you're a celebrity and the employee you're trying to persuade is about the same age as you. It's especially helpful when you give him a peck on the cheek and you're wearing a bikini. Then again, it could've been the cash I slipped into his hand, too. Either way, I had gotten what I wanted. The pool was all mine for the night.

I was doing laps, just back and forth, back and forth from one end of the pool to another. It was monotonous, but I could probably do it for hours. Maybe even days, given how I was feeling.

And how I was feeling was **numb**.

What else could I be? If I let myself experience all of the emotions I felt about my father and sister, I think the pain would literally _kill_ me.

Whoever says you can't die of a broken heart obviously doesn't have one, or they've been lucky enough to have it remain untouched. Then again, maybe that's not a good thing; how boring a life like that would be.

Numb was good. Numb was how I was going to survive. Numb was just...numb. Nothing.

That was all I could handle. Anything more, and I would crack--no, break--beyond repair.

I was on my seventh lap when I saw a figure in the doorway. It was too dark to distinguish features, but I didn't need light to show me who was coming in--Tommy.

Quickly I swam to the side of the pool that was nearest to the door. Taking a deep breath, I disappeared below the surface just as the door opened and he walked in.

I was crouched against the side of the wall, trying to be as invisible as possible. I'd been swimming for years; add into that the fact that I was a singer, and I had a pretty darn good lung capacity. But I didn't know if it would last longer than Tommy's stubbornness.

A shadow fell nearby, and I looked up, seeing the distorted outline of Tommy's top half. Good, he wasn't close enough to the edge to look down and see me. Finally he turned away, and I waited as long as I could for him to leave through the door again before coming back up. My lungs were on fire, and I gasped as new oxygen soothed the burning.

Glancing around, I was thankful to find him gone. I was **not** in the mood to talk to him, by any means.

Before I'd fully caught my breath again, something latched onto my ankles and yanked down--hard. I was submerged as something continued to drag me down in the water, despite my frantic kicking and flailing. Finally I felt my foot make contact with something and my ankles were released. I propelled myself back to the surface and flung myself out of the pool, my hands supporting me as I coughed and sputtered because of the water I'd inhaled into my lungs during the unexpected assault.

Regaining the ability to breath, I turned back to the pool to find a laughing Tommy treading water not ten feet away from me.

I shot a glare that could crack diamonds at him. "You think that was fucking _funny_, Quincy!" I shrieked, my voice echoing off the walls. I didn't care--the walls were made to absorb sound since little kids constantly screamed in pools while they were playing.

Tommy must've finally noticed that I wasn't finding his childish antics the least bit funny, because he abruptly quit laughing. Still, a smile lingered on his face.

God, what a bastard.

There I was, practically choking to death because of something **he** did, and he actually had the nerve to _laugh _about it. The man was practically wishing to never have kids by pulling stunts like that, and at the moment I was perfectly inclined to make sure that wish came true.

"Jude." Tommy called as I levered myself off the ground and stood up. How many freakin' times a day could the man _'Jude'_ me, seriously?

Ignoring him, I purposefully strode towards the exit. "Jude, come on. I'm sorry." He tried again, but I could still detect the smile in his voice, indicating that he wasn't sorry at all. Or, if he was, it was because of how pissed off I'd become, not because he might have actually done something wrong.

"You're **_sorry_**!" I screeched as I whirled on him. However, I forgot just how slippery the floor was since I was dripping wet, and I went down, unable to finish my rant. I managed to land on my rear, but it still wasn't a pleasant experience in the least.

Tommy, of course, couldn't help but break out into hysterics at this as well. I'd fallen on my butt plenty of times before, but I guess this one was funnier than all the other times--combined--since Tommy could barely stay afloat because almost all of his energy was devoted to the waves of laughter assaulting him. Well, I'm glad I could provide some comic relief for somebody.

I suddenly found my eyes full of water--and not from the pool. Tears were threatening to fall down my face. What the hell was this? One little tumble and I was going to release the waterworks I'd desperately been trying to hold in? Uh-uh. Now was not the time.

I didn't notice that Tommy had removed himself from the pool, but he appeared beside me.

_Shit, please don't let him notice..._I begged inside of my mind.

"Jude, what's wrong?" Tommy asked gently as he knelt down beside me.

Crap--he noticed.

I sniffed and rolled my eyes in response--what _wasn't_ wrong?

"Are you hurt?" He probed, moving even closer. Tommy maneuvered an arm as if he was going to wrap it around my shoulders.

"Don't touch me." I uttered harshly in a whisper when it was a couple of inches away from touching my bare skin.

Obediently he dropped his arm, but I could see the anger starting to broil through his veins. Tommy stood up and took a couple steps away before turning back to stare in my face. He shook his head several times as though debating himself before speaking.

"My God, Jude, what is wrong with you? Huh? I'm just trying to help you--that's all I've been doing. But you just keep pushing me away! You'll cry in the arms of a stranger, but not in mine. I've seen you at your best and your worst; what's changed? What's so different now? All you do is push me away--_why?_" Tommy shouted, and I could hear the hurt he felt in every syllable that escaped his lips. I didn't answer him; I just drew my knees up to my chest and curled my arms around them in a protective manner.

"Dammit, Jude, _why won't you let me in_?" He cried, sounding like he was near tears.

I couldn't take it anymore. Standing up, I practically ran at him. He looked surprised, but didn't have any time to react.

Because I'd already sent us flying into the pool.

Part of my reason for doing that was payback--I'd _never_ liked being dunked, and that was still true today. I guess I shoving Tommy into the pool was my way of releasing some of my emotions. Anger, pain, confusion, all rolled into one. Those were just the ones on the surface, and they'd finally boiled over so I had to do _something_.

We crashed into the water, breaking the previously calm surface. I had fallen on top of him as we went under, and after a few seconds of blind chaos we managed to untangle ourselves. For some reason, though, we both held on to each other.

And then, somehow, our lips met.

* * *

_**Tanya50801 **-- Thanks! I'll try and get another chapter out soon. Please continue to review!_

_**cecapo3610 **-- That's what I like to here! I'm glad you're enjoying it so much! xD_

_**riotgirllina **-- Aw, thank you! It is sad, but there's sort of a reason for it. As for Tommy and Jude growing closer...you'll just have to keep reading to find out!_

_**kolerox **-- Haha, look at that! You got some Jommy action, finally. Thanks for the great review!_

_**tommyandjude4ever** -- Lol! I'm so happy that you like my story! And I don't know how I come up with everything, either. It's kind of scary, actually, I just start typing and see what comes out. Please keep reviewing, I really enjoy reading them!_

_**squashstar** -- I know, I felt so bad about doing that to Kwest:( He and Sadie are going to be so cute in Season 3! Thanks for the reading and leaving me a review!_

_**scott4eva** -- Poor Kwesty, I know. But he's not really going to be a big character in this story, lol, so you can imagine that he'll find someone new or something. Thanks for reviewing! Please keep doing so, I love them!_

_**MyCrAzyWorld **-- Ever notice on the show how Tommy is completely sweet and sour, like those little sour patch kids commercials you always see? You know, where it cuts off the girls hair while she's sleeping and then gives her a hug? For some reason, that reminds me of Tommy because he's always so hot and cold. Anyway, thanks for the great review! I hope you keep reading and reviewing the story!_

_**Adrienne **-- Aw, thank you! I'll try and get another chapter up soon!_

_**Criminal Insanity **-- Wow--I am absolutely flattered by your review! Thank you so much; I 'm glad you're really liking the story._

**sigh. I love all my faithful reviewers...xD So what are your thoughts about the end of this chapter? Good? Bad? Evil?**

xx


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

There's only one word to describe kissing someone underwater--**erotic**. Seriously. If I ever get the chance again, I'll willingly do it a thousand more times.

Our lips were fused together so securely that no water could penetrate the seal. Tommy and I were like two suction cups stuck together--no air. Our tongues did their own thing; there was no thought required, it was all impulse and feelings. There was a faint taste of chlorine from the pool water already on our lips after going under. We should try this is fresh water, or the ocean, even, I thought. I'm sure either of those two would taste better than this.

Still, the taste of the chlorine was overpowered by the unique flavors each of us were made of. I'm not sure what I taste like, obviously, since I can't taste myself, but I'm just going to say I'm sweet. My reasoning? I'm a chocoholic and have a major sweet tooth. But no cavities. I diligently brush my teeth twice a day.

Tommy...I could never quite determine just what he tasted like. There were so many flavors all mingling together--mint from his toothpaste, coffee (which he drank on a daily basis), spicy (probably from eating at Taco Bell), and...just **_him_**. It wasn't something recognizable; it was just him.

No matter what we tasted like, though, when brought together it was the best thing you had ever tasted. Even the best chef in the world couldn't top the deliciousness of me and Tommy--together. To be somewhat cliche-y, that underwater kiss tasted like a little bit of heaven.

_Air._

Tommy's lungs must've been bursting like mine, because I couldn't stay down for a second longer--no matter how much I wanted to. Never before had I wished Tommy and I were Mer-people. Yeah, well, things change. I'd gladly trade my legs for fins if it meant endless underwater kissing.

Wait...

No legs equals no, um, other things, too.

So how do mer-people reproduce?

The world may never know.

I'll save that thought for another day, I guess, because I finally reached the surface.

With the air rushing into my lungs came a hard dose of reality and my conscience. What in the _hell_ was I doing, kissing Tommy? Sure, it felt great--better than great, actually--but every single time we've kissed ended in disaster.

My first performance at the Vinyl Palace: I kissed Tommy. He didn't reciprocate. Very embarrassing. I tried to quit music altogether. (Obviously I changed my mind, with a little persuasion from guess who?)

My sixteenth birthday: Asshole boyfriend cheats on me. I freak out. Tommy kisses me. Tommy tells me it never happened. No more need be said.

Presenting my (revised) second complete album to Darius: Darius loved it, then left. Tommy and I suddenly found ourselves kissing each other. A couple of days later Tommy asks me out on a _date_. Tommy bails on said date and, more importantly, me. He came back a week later, but still.

So how was this lip lock going to end?

I really didn't want to find out, truth be told.

But hey--since when have I ever gotten what I wanted?

I stared at Tommy, breathing heavily, just like him. He stared back. I saw his lips begin to move, so I took a gulp of air and ducked back under. When I resurfaced, I was at the edge of the pool, several feet away from him. Distance was good.

From where I was at, I could see Tommy furrow his brow, most likely wondering why I swam away. Was it really not obvious? I guess so.

Levering myself out of the pool, I stood on the tile as water cascaded from my body until it was reduced to a constant drip. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around my torso and looked around for a towel. Air conditioning was a great invention--except when you were soaking wet in a skimpy bikini, that is.

Tommy swam over to where I had been only moments early and rested his arms on the side of the pool. "Jude..." He began.

I cut him off, speaking in a monotone. "I'm sorry. That shouldn't have happened."

Great, now I was stealing lines out of his book. Sort of. At least I didn't deny that it _had_ happened. I just said it _should not_ have happened. Tomato, tamahto.

"Why, Jude? Why shouldn't it have happened?" Tommy asked softly.

"Because," I replied lamely, refusing to look at him.

"Because why? You're eighteen--have been for months--so it's not like we're breaking the law or anything."

"Can we not do this, Tommy? It shouldn't have happened, and I'm sorry it did. That's all there is to it." I countered, trying not to get fed up with his persistence.

"You're lying; you don't really mean that. There's no way anyone could regret a kiss like that." Tommy continued, still in a soft voice.

This just riled my anger--how **_dare_ **he call _me _a **liar**. "Sure there is. I **do** regret it, so it is possible."

"Why wouldn't you ever go out with me again, Jude?" Tommy questioned suddenly. "I've asked several times in the past eleven months for us to do something together, unrelated to the studio or with music, and every time you've refused or made up some excuse. Why?"

Finally finding a towel, I patted my face dry, tactfully finding a way to not answer the question or at least stall having to reply for several seconds.

"Are you afraid I'd leave you again?" He inquired, a bit of guilt laced into his tone.

I shook my head, sending water drops flying from the ends of my hair. "No, I wasn't afraid you'd leave me. I know you wouldn't, not again."

"Then what is it? There's been this..._thing_ between us ever since we first met. You can't deny it's been there," Tommy said when I started to protest. "Now we can finally act on it--you're 18. The studio wouldn't be happy about it, but they'd get over it. So why haven't you let us **be** an _us_?"

"Because I don't trust you," I responded, truthfully, as I stared at the floor.

I didn't see Tommy's face, but I imagined it had an incredulous look on it. He'd thought we were perfect again, like nothing was wrong--except that I wouldn't accept his romantic advances.

"I know I messed up, Jude; I've been trying, really I have. But obviously not hard enough. I don't know what would make you trust me again..." He said, sounding slightly exasperated.

"It would help if you'd tell me where you went that week." Where he had been those seven days was the key. He had to be completely honest with me before I would trust him totally again. That gaping hole was still between us, although I guess he had been oblivious to its presence. But I hadn't been.

"You know I can't tell you, Jude! I want to, _so badly_, but **can't**. It's just something you'll have to trust me on."

"I can't. I'm sorry." I said steadily, knowing I might very well be breaking the hope he had in me, as well as his heart. Nah, stupid thought. I wasn't capable of breaking Tommy's heart, although he was quite capable of breaking mine.

A period of silence passed as we each absorbed the conversation we had just shared and what everything meant. Tommy and I...we were _so close_, but there was a barrier thinner than a sheet of paper between us. No matter how hard either of us tried, we couldn't get past it. It was like we were each pushing against it, therefore pushing against each other in a stalemate. If only one of us would back down for a moment, the other could tear a hole in the barrier and get through.

But neither of us could back down.

Tommy wasn't telling me where he had been.

I couldn't overlook it, couldn't ignore it. I _had_ to know; it was that nagging little thought in the back of my mind, the **one** thing that wouldn't let me let myself be happy with Tommy.

"Is that why you won't confide in me? Why you wouldn't break down and open up to me about Sadie and Stuart, because you don't trust me?" I remained silent. "Well, Jude? **_Is it?_**"

By now Tommy had gotten out of the pool and was standing a couple of feet away from me, adding more water into the puddle that I had created. "No, it's not." I commented in a voice barely above a whisper, wishing he wouldn't make us get into this.

"Then what is it!" Tommy demanded, his tone rising with every word.

I chose to ignore his anger; if he was just going to yell I didn't want to be around to hear it. I grabbed my robe off of the padded lounge chair I had lain it on earlier and walked off, not bothering to put it on.

"Stop running away, Jude."

I froze. "You think that's what I'm doing?" I asked quietly without turning around.

"Yes." He replied simply, leaving no doubt that that's exactly what he thought and I'd be hard pressed to convince him otherwise.

"Fine--maybe I am. But as long as I can still stand on my own two legs, I'll run as long and as far as I want to. You don't like it? **Tough**It's my choice." I bit out, absolutely irate at all of the accusations that had been thrown my way. _I am what I am, dammit_!

"Oomph!" I exclaimed as the air was ejected from my lungs, leaving me breathless and temporarily dazed. I found myself lying back on the lounge chair I had previously evacuated my clothes from. Tommy was now sitting on me--yes, _sitting_ on me--as he pinned my arms next to my head.

"What the hell, Tommy!" I screeched, struggling as valiantly as I could. It was no use; he outweighed me by at least a good sixty pounds. I definitely needed to think about taking some self-defense classes so I could actually _do_ something in situations like this.

"Looks like you're no longer standing on your own two legs, Jude. You can't run anymore." Tommy stated quietly, staring intently down into my eyes.

"Dammit, let me go!" I screamed again as I flailed around, hoping to dislodge some of his hold on me. No luck.

"No."

Finally I stopped struggling, submitting to the fact that I wasn't going anywhere until Tommy decided I could. Instead I turned my head to the side so I was looking at the empty pool and not him.

"Please, Jude, talk to me. Tell me why you can't cry on my shoulder like you did his." Tommy didn't need to state who he was talking about; I knew. "I've seen you cry so many other times in the past--what's different now?"

How could he not see it? Why couldn't Tommy realize my reason for shoving him away, for not letting him in anymore? Couldn't he detect the resentment I felt towards him?

I felt a tear slip out of the corner of my eye and inwardly cursed. Why did I have to be so emotional? Why couldn't I be one of those people who kept everything in, who had a heart that came with a lock and key? I was sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve; it was tired of being on display and being poked and prodded and dropped and broken and abused. It wanted to run away and hide and never be found again.

"Jude." Tommy said when I didn't answer. That must've been the millionth time he'd said my name in the past two days, and for some reason I couldn't understand, it caused me to break.

"Don't you get it, Tommy? I don't want to be around you anymore. I want you to leave me alone. I wish I had never met you" I uttered harshly, hoping he would get my point and not pressure me to actually say it out loud.

Tommy looked confused, and more than a little hurt. "But why?"

"It's your fault!" I exploded, knowing in the back of my mind that it wasn't true. But it was in the back for a reason.

"What was?"

"My family being dead right now! If it wasn't for you, my music would suck and then my album would suck and I wouldn't have been nominated for the Grammy. If I hadn't been nominated, Sadie and my dad wouldn't have been on their way to the awards and they wouldn't have gotten in an accident and died! If it wasn't for you, I would've been dropped from the label afer my first album and then none of this would have ever happened. Sadie and my dad would be alive right now. I hate my music--it_ killed _them! And **you** helped it!" I cried, knowing it was probably irrational to him but made perfect sense to me.

Shocked, stunned, appalled--all could be used to describe Tommy's face. Feeling his grip slacken, I managed to free my hands from his grasp and slide out from under him. He was balanced on his knees, still staring dazedly into space.

I couldn't stand it any longer.

I did what I was good at, at least according to Tommy.

I ran.

* * *

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